The Language of Flowers
by EndlessDaydreaming
Summary: The time-turner she wore said it all. He should have been more cautious, but silly as it was, he, Severus Snape, fell in love. As quickly as she came, she left. This is the story of how Severus Snape's heart bloomed for Hermione Granger.
1. Chapter 1: White Poppy

**The Language of Flowers**

**by: EndlessDaydreaming**

**New fic! I must warn you though that updates will not be constant nor soon, and might be quite short. This story follows the books a bit except for the Snape, Remus, and Sirius dying part. But I _will_ make changes and input some stuff, so it doesn't completely follow the canon. It's quite AU.**

**For those who've read by DraMione, The Laws Of Attraction, you might be wondering "Why Snape/Hermione"? Well, because I like Snape. As I said, I'm a sucker for lost causes.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1 <strong>

**White Poppy**

**~.o.~**

"_Time is too slow for those who wait, _

_too swift for those who fear,_

_ too long for those who grieve,_

_ too short for those who __**rejoice**__, _

_but for those who love,_

_ time is eternity.__"__ - Henry Van Dyke_

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1997  
><strong>

"20 points from Gryffindor. I said _slice_ the newt tails, Weasley, not _butcher_," boomed Severus Snape's voice, echoing all over the dimly lit dungeons. He had just passed Harry, Ron, and Hermione's table, when he saw something that he didn't like. And it had nothing to do with newt tails.

Nothing at all.

The many Gryffindors in the room snapped their heads up from their cauldrons, completely appalled, as the Slytherins grinned in mischievous delight. It was the third time that the Potions Professor had deducted points from the Lions out of nowhere, and class had just started a mere 15 minutes ago. The Gryffindors had been keeping quiet and were biting back their angry retorts, when Ron, in all his uncontrollable and furious glory, stood up abruptly and said aloud:

"What the bloody hell is your problem?"

His face and ears bright red, Ron was clenching a newly cut-up newt's tail in one of his hands, shaking angrily. His tall and lanky frame loomed over his group's cauldron (they were working in threes today, so it was Harry, Ron, and Hermione), and his stool was knocked down to the floor from his sudden outburst.

Severus, who by then was a few tables away and had his back to Ron, merely gritted his teeth in annoyance. _If only you knew, Weasley. If only you knew..._

"Another 20 points from Gryffindor," drawled Severus, his hands firmly clasped behind him.

He walked on, ignoring the still-standing Ron. Severus continued to pretend he was examining the other students' work, when deep inside his mind was actually somewhere else. Somewhere far, far away, in the land of chocolate brown eyes and ever-flowing hair...

"Y-You can't do that!" spluttered Ron, his face contorting in rage.

Severus had had enough. He whirled around to face Ron.

"I suggest you keep your mouth closed, Mr. Weasley. I had assumed that with the Gryffindors' so-called 'bravery and courage' came much sheer stupidity and utter foolishness. I can see now that I was, as always, correct. Now, before I deduct more points from your house, Mr. Weasley, _sit down_," drawled Severus, his face as emotionless as ever.

His heart and mind, however, were just as furious as Ron Weasley was. He couldn't stand it anymore – not another day, not another hour, not another minute, not another second...

His cold eyes flickered to _her_. She was seated next to Ron, with Harry on her other side. Chewing her bottom lip nervously as she had always done. She looked at Ron pleadingly, as if telling him to just sit back down.

Severus remembered _that _time: she was looking at him _just like that_. Eyes pleading earnestly, telling him her last piece of advice, she had looked into his eyes – his _soul_. She had looked more like she did now: a woman of 17 years of age. He remembered her body pressed up against him, encasing him in a tight hug. He remembered stroking her curly hair and the soft and velvety feel of it as it slipped through his fingers. He remembered her lips pressed lightly on his, and vividly recalled her pulling away tearfully and slowly backing away.

And then she left. She left, and he hadn't seen her in a long, long time. He had waited, waited for so long, only to see her again as a 11 year-old. That had been years ago.

And now? Now he was still waiting. It had been over a decade of nothing but loneliness – of solitude, and he was still waiting. He had to watch her grow up, watch her smile and laugh with her friends, as he grew older and older by the minute, practically rotting away. He couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand another minute of the solitude.

He knew it was juvenile to constantly deduct points from the Gryffindors simply because Ron Weasley was being overly-familiar with her. The boy had his arm around her, for Merlin's sake! Minutes later, the boy had been holding her hand. And just recently, he had been encircling her waist with an arm.

That was why Severus Snape was irritated. He was actually _beyond_ irritated, that no word could sufficiently describe his irritation. There was only one thing in his mind right now, and that was:

_Hermione is mine_. _MINE_. _Do NOT_ _touch her._

* * *

><p>Hermione sighed again as she tried to block out Ron's rant. She scooped more potatoes for herself. It was a good thing lunch was right after Potions – she was starving!<p>

"He should be more grateful, that git! Harry saved him from Nagini and Voldemort, and _this_ is how he repays us?" complained Ron, spluttering food all over the table.

"Ronald, don't talk when your mouth is full," said Hermione carelessly, eying the bits of chewed food on the table with disgust.

She had long gotten used to Snape's unfair treatment when it came to the Gryffindors. He had always been that way, ever since their first year; but the level of his mistreatment seemed to have heightened ever since Voldemort died. Snape had returned to teach Potions in Hogwarts, his real identity as a fellow member of the Order of the Phoenix revealed to the whole school. Everyone respected him, now, and admired him for what he had done, but that didn't mean they didn't think he was an insufferable git at times.

"I honestly thought he'd be much nicer after the war," said Harry, munching on his chicken.

"Really? I can't imagine a smiling and laughing Snape at all," giggled Ginny, who sat right beside Harry.

The group tried to imagine it, only to end up stifling a laugh seconds later.

"I think he was already born with that scowl on his face," said Seamus with his Irish accent. "Imagine his mum and dad giving birth to a baby, raising him up to take a look, only to shriek as he scowled down at them with his huge nose!"

Ron was flat out laughing, Harry was trying his best not to, and Ginny had a hand on her mouth, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter. Hermione and Neville were the only ones who weren't laughing.

"Guys, quit it before he catches us," whispered Hermione as she risked a glance at the Head Table.

Minerva McGonagall, the new Headmistress, sat at the center. She was talking quite animatedly with Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, who was on her left. Beside the stubby Charms teacher was a sour-looking Snape. He was silently eating his lunch, when suddenly his bottomless black eyes flickered to Hermione's.

Quickly looking away, she drank her pumpkin juice as if nothing happened. She didn't want any more trouble with Snape, especially since she had a reputation to uphold – she _was_ Head Girl, after all. Besides that reason, though, she just didn't feel like making fun of Snape. Sure, he was mean and insufferable, but he had his own reasons for being so. People were surely not born that way. People weren't born dark, bitter, and apprehensive. Something must have happened in his past to turn him into how he was now.

Hermione knew quite a bit about him already, actually. He had a bad childhood, lost the love of his life, and made tons of wrong decisions. It sounded like it wasn't much, but how could anyone ever truly know? How could anyone judge when they weren't _him,_ when they weren't the ones going through those tough times?

_What if...what if he hadn't made all of those bad decisions? What if he didn't join the Death Eaters? Would he change? Would he be as he was before he joined Voldemort had he not joined the cause? What was he like before that, anyway? Was he..happier? _Hermione thought as she tuned out on the group's conversation.

She knew that Severus Snape was just a misunderstood man. He was someone who had many walls around him, protecting all of his emotions deep inside. It was as if he was hiding himself from the world, putting out a tough shell for society, instead. He was always expressionless, as if he was used to keeping his feelings locked away. If Hermione didn't know better, she'd think he was protecting himself from getting hurt...

Hermione stood up, her friends looking up at her.

"Library?" Harry asked.

"Um, yeah," she lied. Hermione hated lying to her friends, but she knew that if she told them what she was up to, they'd want to come along. And that, would be a very bad idea, indeed.

She walked out of the Great Hall, her bag slung over her shoulder, only to realize that McGonagall was still eating lunch.

_Well, then. I'll just head to the library and research first. There was a book on the Laws of Time-Turners..._

* * *

><p>"Ms. Granger, I must warn you that you have to be very, very careful," said Minerva, eying the time-turner in Hermione's hands.<p>

"Yes, Professor. I will," smiled Hermione.

"You never fail to surprise me. I didn't think you were one to take interest in Professor Snape's affairs. Though I cannot hide my doubts about this plan of yours, I do know that you are exceptionally bright. I know you mean well, and perhaps this would be for the good of Severus, but please, don't do anything big, Ms. Granger. Just...get the information you need, and then when you get back, we'll try to talk to Severus. Don't-"

"Change anything. I know, Professor. I'll be careful. I read up on the laws of Time-Turners. Well, they aren't really laws, just theories, but I'll be sure to follow them," said Hermione.

"Oh, yes. You did mention something about my having to cover up for your absence?" asked Minerva, peering over her spectacles.

"Yes, Professor. As I'll be going back in time to _many_ _years ago_, my absence in the present will be noticeable. According to a theory in the book, one month in the past is equal to, more or less, a day in the present. I promise I'll be back within a week," replied Hermione, fingering the spine of the book in her hands, entitled, _Time-Turners And Its Magical Uses – An Expert's Guide To More About Time-Turners._

"Alright. Leave everything to me," said Minerva, smiling fondly at her student.

"Thank you, Professor," said Hermione, smiling back.

"Well, yes. Get going, now. Remember, you have to be back within a week; wouldn't want to miss a lot of your lessons, would you?" smiled Minerva.

"Of course, not Professor," grinned Hermione. She turned around and headed for the door.

"And Ms. Granger?" McGonagall called.

"Yes, Professor?" said Hermione, stopping and turning around.

"Remember what I told you about what you should tell my past self," said Minerva softly, her eyes softening a bit.

She suddenly looked quite downcast. Hermione simply nodded, and placed a hand on the door's handle.

Hermione left the Headmistress' office, feeling the time-turner's weight on her neck. As she closed the door behind her, she looked up and saw a flower on the floor. She walked towards it, studying it. It was a white Poppy, in full bloom. It looked...well, beautiful. Its one big petal was as white and unblemished as snow, encircling the middle of the flower, which was a bright orange.

Flowers had always been unusually laid out near her, and Hermione had a nagging feeling it had something to do with Ron. But that was impossible; he wasn't one who knew Floriography. Ever since she came to Hogwarts, there were instances were she found random flowers lying in the open for her to see. Perhaps it wasn't for her, but she was always alone when she saw them. It wasn't often, maybe just around 2 times a year, but she had always liked to decipher the meanings of the flowers that seemed to beckon to her. She had yet to see one this year, so this was a first.

Hermione had always loved flowers, and remembered getting a book about Floriography, the language of flowers, as a Christmas Gift from someone years ago. And of course, being the Brightest Witch Of The Age, she knew exactly what this Poppy meant:

_Rejoicing_.

Picking the flower up, she quickly thought of someone who could possible be happy now as she walked briskly to her dorm. After all, she had work to do.

* * *

><p>Severus watched as Hermione left the Defense Against The Dark Arts room quickly, with a quick "See you later," to her friends. He was substituting for Remus Lupin, since it was <em>that<em> time of month.

It was the night of the full moon.

Curious as to why Hermione Granger was rushing out so quickly when this was, in fact, the last class for the day, Severus followed her inconspicuously. He stayed a long way behind her, only seeing a bit of her curly brown hair as she turned every corner. When she stepped into the revolving staircase that led to the Headmistress' office, Severus felt his heart thump loudly – something he had last felt _years_ ago...

When she left.

He only ever felt that way when something big was about to happen. Severus knew, then, that this was it. This was what he was waiting for. This is what he had been waiting for, for more than a decade!

With a shaky hand, Severus reached into his robes and pulled out his wand. He conjured a white flower, and laid it on the floor before walking away, a hand on the wall to steady himself as he went.

Just like always, when he was having particularly strong feelings, he left Hermione a flower.

This time, it was a Poppy.

He was happy.

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><p><strong>AN: Visit my profile for more of my stories! Join the forum I recently made for DraMione fans! (link in my profile) :)**


	2. Chapter 2:  Yellow Tulip

**A/N: This story is working without a beta, since my beloved beta is working on editing The Laws of Attraction and I don't want to stress her. :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

**Yellow Tulip**

**~.o.~**

"_A mighty pain to love it is,  
>And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;<br>But of all pains, the greatest pain  
>It is to love, but <em>_love in __vain"_  
>- <em>Abraham Cowley<em>

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1997**

"Severus, stop being so jittery," scolded Minerva.

She hid her knowing smile behind her cup of tea as she watched Severus pace her office floors. It was unusual, indeed; she had yet to see him display any other reaction other than annoyance and spite, and here he was, brows furrowed in agitation and nervousness.

The last time Minerva had seen him put down his walls of solitude was when he was in his 7th year, and that was only when he was with _her_. When she had left, however, he was back to pretending like the rest of the world didn't exist. Who could blame him, though? He had gone through many difficult and hurtful things in his childhood.

As a child, Severus had been a very proud but dignified boy. He tended to be alone, a book clutched in his pale hands. He was brilliant, even back then, though he was constantly picked on for it. Minerva still remembered his first day of school, where he was still quite the jolly little boy. What Minerva couldn't remember was _how_ _he had looked_. She just couldn't imagine a happy Severus anymore.

He had used to be a very jubilant child. In fact, Severus reminded her of Hermione Granger. On Severus' first day in Hogwarts as a first year, he was as nervous as everyone else was, yes, but was excitedly shifting his weight from one leg to the next. His hair had been ruggedly short, then, and was rather adorable for a child. Minerva had been his Transfiguration Professor, and she remembered how he raised his hand slowly with a bored look on his face to answer a question. Minerva could tell, however, that he was fighting back the excitement. She had seen how his dark eyes twinkled with renowned joy and amusement. Keeping up with Slytherin attitudes, he kept a calm and cool exterior while his insides were buzzing with excitement. He had wanted to fit in so badly that he had observed other Slytherins and adapted their 'cool, calm, and proud' traits quite quickly.

His eagerness and desire to fit in, however, was his first big mistake. The students saw it as haughtiness and misplaced pride; the way he walked with Slytherin confidence, the way he boredly raised a hand to answer, as if it was the easiest question in the world, and the way he looked like he couldn't care less about what you think or do. Where for Severus it was simply wanting to fit in, the others had taken it as bad character.

And so, the others though he needed to be taught a good lesson. Sadly, he was a small and frail child, and he ended up being bullied by his other classmates and upperclassmen. Teased on being intelligent and 'different', outcast-ed by all, picked on by the ever-famous Marauders, and holding on to unrequited love, the Severus that used to hold so much _life_ in him slowly vanished. As the years went by, it got worse and worse, until he had lost all life in him when Lily Potter, his one true love, cut all ties with him because of another mistake. He had lost his only true friend and love, and since then he had built himself emotional walls to protect him from anything else that could possible hurt him. Without anybody that seemed to care for him, he relied on himself and kept to himself.

That is, until Hermione Granger came along.

"Minerva, I assure you: If I had a choice, I would sit and drink tea in complete calm and serenity. But sadly, I don't," Severus drawled, still pacing.

"You know that she won't be back for days, right, Severus?" Minerva said calmly, though was grinning rather widely behind her tea cup.

It was all just too amusing. Severus Snape, _nervous? _The man who had faced more dangers and had stood beside the Dark Lord, _nervous for something as small as this_?

The most amusing part, however, was the fact that _he_ came to _her_. As soon as Hermione had left, he had knocked on her door and entered, simply standing in front of Minerva's table and looking at her, eyes questioning. It was only when Minerva had said, "She's going," did he numbly sit himself on a chair, only to stand up minutes later to start his pacing.

Severus didn't answer her question. How typical of him, avoiding questions he didn't want to hear, especially when the answers weren't to his liking.

"Just a few more days, Severus. Surely you could wait for a few more days? You have been waiting for so long-"

"Yes, and that is precisely why I feel agitated. I _have_ been waiting for so long, always wondering whether the time would come at all!" he said, waving a hand in the air frustratedly.

"I know watching her had been hard, Severus," Minerva said kindly, "and believe me when I tell you I wished that I could have helped you. But it was too dangerous, Severus. We couldn't tell her-"

"I know we couldn't tell her, Minerva. As you have told me every waking hour of the day, 'it might alter the time stream'," he quoted.

Severus stopped his pacing to stiffly seat himself on the chair in front of Minerva's desk, looking blankly at a spot on her table.

Minerva simply nodded.

When a few minutes of silence had passed, Minerva decided to move on to lighter topics that would hopefully distract Severus.

"I bet you were surprised to see her in her first year," she said, smiling fondly.

The edges of Severus' mouth quirked up a bit. "Certainly. You can only imagine my bitterness towards a certain _Professor_ for _forgetting_ to tell me..." he drawled on, letting the sentence hang in mid-air.

"You know I couldn't tell you, Severus. It would have been too dangerous. When she came to me then and told me she was from the future, she made me swear an Unbreakable Vow that I wouldn't tell anyone about how she was from the future. "

Severus sighed. "I know, Minerva. I should have known; I had just refused to accept it. I had seen the time-turner on her neck, then; an accident, of course, but nevertheless, I saw it. I didn't know what a time-turner looked like at the time, so I convinced myself I was seeing things," he said in a bored tone, which was now his normal way of speaking.

When Minerva didn't reply, he continued, "I was surprised. That day when Albus summoned me to his office. It was right after her Sorting. And you were there as well, and we discussed her and the past..."

When the sentence was left to trail on, Minerva pushed her spectacles up the bridge of her nose and replied, "Of course. Albus and I remembered her quite well. She had been a brilliant student, back then in 1978, and when we saw her during the 1991 Sorting, we knew immediately that it was her, albeit she was a lot younger than we remembered her."

Severus nodded. "Yes, she was 17 back in 1978."

"The time line fits perfectly. It simply means she's meeting your past at the moment. For her, she's meeting you for the first time right now, as she travels to the past," said Minerva. "I coached her on what to say to my 1978 self so that my past self would help her, actually. I just repeated to her everything I remembered her saying to me all those years ago, which made me believe that she was telling the truth about being from the future. That was how I knew, back then, that Hermione _was_ from the future. I had believed that my future self sent her to tell me things only I myself would know. Now that History has virtually repeated itself, and the time line is right, I think things are going quite smoothly."

Severus did not reply. He kept his gaze at his fingers, which were folded neatly on his lap.

Unbeknownst to Minerva, Severus was thinking:

_Will she still love the past me? _

* * *

><p>Knapsack slung over he shoulder, Hermione crept out of the Head Girl's dorm at 12:00 midnight. She cautiously strode to the girls' bathroom on the third floor, careful to be quiet and stay uncaught. Relief washed through her as she pushed the lavatory door open. There was no sign of Moaning Myrtle, and a good thing that was, too. Hermione poked a bathroom stall open, disgustedly noting the grime covering the ancient stall door, and slipped inside. She closed the door, just in case, and fished the time-turner out from under her uniform. Taking a deep breath to steel herself, she fingered the cold metal nervously. <em>It's now or never<em>, she thought. _It's time._

Her fingers moved quickly, turning the time piece in her hands over and over again. In her mind, Hermione counted every flip of the time-turner. She closed her eyes, having learned the hard way that traveling back to the past with your eyes open could cause a serious migraine: the seemingly back-tracking surroundings in full fast forward speed was extremely dizzying.

Finally, Hermione's fingers went still, holding on to the cold metal piece around her neck. She pried her eyes open, and was face to face with a clean bathroom stall door. The grime and horrid smell had gone, and it seemed like everything looked a bit new. Well, newer than it had been at her present time, of course, where it had been nothing but dirt and dust.

Pushing the stall door open, Hermione stepped out, only to stop dead in her tracks.

Someone had just entered the bathroom, and also stopped to look at her. Hermione was drawn to the girl's auburn hair that seemed to be burning as the sun from the bathroom's high windows seeped in. She had a just-as-red tulip tucked behind one ear, and her eyes were a beautiful and striking bottle green.

It was all the proof Hermione needed that she was, in deed, in the time she wanted to be.

She was in 1978.

And she was facing a 17 year-old Lily Evans.

* * *

><p><strong>September 18, 1978<strong>

"Are you a new student? I have yet to see you around the school..." said Lily Evans, her head tilting to the side to examine Hermione.

"Oh, yes. I just transferred. In fact, I was looking for Ms. McGonagall? My mother is a friend of hers, see, and Ms. McGonagall was the one who referred Hogwarts as a brilliant teaching institute when I decided to transfer from my old Wizarding school," recited Hermione from memory, as she had done with the McGonagall of her own time.

When Hermione had told Minerva of her plans to learn about Severus Snape's past, Minerva had helped her come up with her 'undercover story'. She was to be the daughter of a good friend of Minerva, and she had come from a not-so-famous Wizarding school. Minerva supposedly saw her potential and had recruited her for Hogwarts right away.

Another thing that Minerva and Hermione had talked about was what she had to do first and foremost when she arrived in the past: Hermione was to find Minerva McGonagall of 1978 and convince her that Hermione was, indeed, from the future. That was her number one priority right now. After that was finding what she came to this time for: Severus Snape.

"I could bring you to her office, if you want. No wonder; I was surprised to see a student in here, since nobody ever comes to this bathroom anymore. You're new, so you don't quite know about the history of this bathroom," said Lily, gesturing to their surroundings.

Though the bathroom looked cleaner and newer than the one from Hermione's time, it still had the age-dust of disuse to it. Hermione knew the history of the bathroom quite well, of course: the ghost of Moaning Myrtle was there, the girl that was killed by Tom Riddle years ago – even way before 1978. Hermione couldn't tell Lily she knew, though, and must continue pretending to be a lost and wandering student who just needed to go to the loo really badly, thus ending up here. Though now that Hermione thought about it, what was _Lily_ doing here?

"There's a history to this bathroom?" asked Hermione innocently.

Lily nodded. "Yes, but I'll save that story for next time. We must get you to Professor McGonagall's office before lunch ends, else I'll be late for my next class," said Lily, smiling at Hermione kindly.

"Of course. I apologize for the trouble," said Hermione, tucking a strand of her wild hair behind her ear before following Lily out of the 3rd floor bathroom.

As the pair walked to McGonagall's office, they talked cheerfully. Lily was very friendly, and Hermione was reminded very much of Ginny. It made Hermione wonder if she should tell Harry that his girlfriend was exactly like her mum. When she got back to the present, of course.

"And that's the courtyard," said Lily brightly,stepping on the long patch of lively green grass, where students around them were scattered.

Hermione smiled, noting that Hogwarts castle looked exactly like it did in her present time. Though the Hogwarts she knew had undergone repairs after the war, it still looked like an exact copy of what she was seeing now. As they crossed the courtyard, some students stopped to stare at them. Hermione shrunk back a little – she was never one to be comfortable under the penetrating gazes of a lot of people.

Lily seemed to sense her nervousness, and slung an arm over her shoulder to calm her.

"It's alright; everyone in Hogwarts is really very nice," said Lily, smiling at Hermione.

Hermione nodded and gave back a meek smile, feeling the same comfort Ginny gave her all the time emitting from Lily Evans. When she was about to say something in reply, a shout was soon heard from a few meters away from them.

"Listen up, everyone: Snivellus is finally admitting that he's gay!" a laughing voice boomed.

Lily groaned from beside Hermione. She withdrew her arm around Hermione's shoulders and jogged to the source of the noise. Hermione followed suit.

As Hermione grew nearer to the site, she spotted her favorite her bench: the bench she always sat on when she wanted to read. It was under a large Cypress tree that provided shade, and Hermione was always reading there if she wasn't in the library. It looked exactly the same as she remembered it, except the bright yellow tulips that grew around the bench weren't there. There was just grass growing the surroundings of the bench.

Someone was sitting on the bench. He had long, chin-length black hair, and piercing dark eyes. His facial features were sharp and angular, and on his lap were dozens of flowers.

Hermione caught a breath.

It was Severus Snape.

* * *

><p>"Lily, excellent timing! See, we just caught your friend red-handed. Seems as if he has finally admitted that he's leaning towards the other gender, see. He's playing with flowers, now – the flowers are all the proof anybody needs," said one of the boys, who stood with 3 others haughtily.<p>

The boy had shaggy black hair that gave him an attractive rugged look, with piercing blue eyes and a charming smile. He had an air of gleeful superiority around him, and Hermione then knew that the group she was looking at was the famous Marauders. The one who had spoken was Sirius Black, who at Hermione's present time was back in Grimauld Place and was working as an Auror.

"This again? Don't you ever get tired of picking on him?" sighed Lily, raking a hand through her hair in frustration. The red tulip tucked behind her ear fell in the process, causing Hermione to bend down and pick it up. As she rose to hand it back to Lily, she froze.

The flowers on Severus' lap were red tulips.

It seemed like Hermione wasn't the only one who noticed, however, because one of the boys from the Marauders stepped toward, looking at the flower in Hermione's lap, then to the flowers on Severus' lap.

"Lily-" started the messy black-haired, boy, who wore glasses and had brown eyes, only to be interrupted by Lily.

"_You_ gave me the tulip?" she addressed to Severus, ignoring James Potter, a tone of accusation and wariness in her voice.

Severus just looked at her, unmoving.

Lily sighed again, taking the flower from Hermione's hand and walking over to Severus to place it on his lap. She was returning it. Without another word, she turned back to Hermione.

Sirius looked like he wanted to laugh or say something mean, when a sandy-haired boy who Hermione assumed was Remus Lupin held him back, shaking his head. Remus gestured towards James' annoyed look as he followed Lily.

"Hermione, let's get going," said Lily, smiling again, at the same time that James said, "Lily, we need to talk."

Lily and James had a stare down, and only when Hermione said, "It's alright, Lily; I can find my way from here," did James reach out to hold Lily's hand and pull her back towards the covered hallway of the castle, away from the courtyard.

The other three Marauders followed, with Sirius passing Hermione with a wink, Remus pushing Sirius forward, and a small, plump boy with rat face features waddling behind them – Peter Pettigrew.

Hermione turned to watch the horrible man's back, and grit her teeth. _He_ was the one who sold Lily and James Potter out to Voldemort. If they knew...

No. She couldn't. It would change the whole time stream, and something could end up horribly wrong.

"Are you another one of those brainless witches who fancy those idiotic Marauders?" drawled a voice from behind her.

Hermione whipped around to see that Severus was talking to her. Well, he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at the red tulip that Lily had returned. Hermione thought she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes...

She didn't answer him and instead walked over to sit beside him. Surprisingly, he didn't jump away, but he _did_ stiffen up.

"A red tulip. It means a declaration of love," stated Hermione, recalling her book on Floriography.

Severus looked at her then, with that cold and unnerving look the older Severus in Hermione's time always had. He didn't reply, and just turned back to his flower.

"_Multicorfors_," he muttered to the flower.

Hermione gasped in awe as the flower turned a bright yellow. Following the flower in his hand, all the others in his lap turned yellow, as well. Severus stood up abruptly, letting the flowers fall to the ground. Hermione continued to look in amazement as the flowers seemed to have planted themselves on the ground. They now stood around the bench, just like the yellow tulips that Hermione had always smelled and smiled at back in her own time.

"They're beautiful," she found herself unconsciously mumbling, as the flowers swayed with the wind.

Severus just walked away.

But that was before Hermione heard him mutter:

"But they don't mean well."

Going through Severus' phrase in her mind, she understood it after a few minutes.

Yellow tulips meant unrequited love.

Severus was hurting from his one-sided love of Lily Evans.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: What do you guys think! Leave me a review! **

**Again, I apologize for grammatical errors. I suck in editing my own work, and this story is working without a beta since my beloved beta is working on editing TLOA. **


	3. Chapter 3: Pink Carnation

**A/N: I HAVE RETURNED. More A/N rantings after the story.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 <strong>

**Pink Carnations**

**~.o.~**

_"It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all."  
>- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam <em>

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1997**

"You know, Severus, when she came to me, I could barely contain my excitement. Of course, I had to do my job and tell her all the teacherly stuff, such as not changing anything from the past and whatnot, Can't have her being suspicious, can I?" said Minerva as she sipped her tea.

Severus visibly stiffened.

"What if she actually follows what you told her? She _is_ Hermione Granger, and she always follows rules, to my utter dismay," drawled Severus, gritting his teeth.

Minerva smiled behind her tea.

"You forget, dear Severus, that Hermione is a Gryffindor, and they love nothing else but breaking rules."

* * *

><p><strong>September 18, 1978<strong>

Walking down the corridors of Hogwarts 1978 was surreal. The same old ghosts zoomed by, passing through people with nonchalance; the same merry portraits hung, waving at the students that passed by. That was the only thing that didn't feel welcome to Hermione – _the students_. She didn't know any of them, and none of them knew her. Their curious eyes followed her back as she walked briskly to McGonagall's office, disliking the attention she was garnering.

As her Mary Janes clacked against the stone floors quickly, Hermione turned a corner sharply to head to 1978 McGonagall's office ("The one I used before I was Headmistress," Minerva of her present had told her). She met with what seemed like a solid wall, collided with it, and fell flat on her arse.

"Padfoot! I told you to watch it!" sighed a weary voice in an 'I-told-you-so' tone.

"Shut it, Moony, and just help me up," grumbled another.

Hermione, testing her limbs for any damage, looked up to see three of the infamous Marauders standing in front of her. Except for Sirius, that is, who was in a similar position as she was, so technically he wasn't standing.

"Sorry, I-" Hermione started.

"No apologies necessary, kitten," grinned Sirius, winking at her.

How he managed to have the gall to act cool despite the fact that he just fell flat on his arse was beyond Hermione's comprehension.

"My fault, really. Was in a bit of a rush, you see," he said, as he took Remus' outstretched hand and allowed himself to be pulled up.

"You and I both," laughed Hermione, trying to push herself up.

Sirius held a hand out to her, and she took it, smiling her thanks. He pulled her up, and kept his customary grin plastered wide on his face.

"Well then, kitten. I've yet to see you around Hoggy-Wartty Hogwarts," he said, holding on to her hand a bit too long before letting it go, brushing invisible dust out of his robes instead.

"New student," Hermione supplied, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

"I don't suppose you've been sorted yet?" inquired Sirius, looking at her with his depthless sky blue eyes.

"Not yet. I do hope I'd get into Gryffindor, though," replied Hermione truthfully.

She just couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Ravenclaw? Maybe. Hufflepuff? Not so much. Slytherin? _Hermione Granger _in Slytherin?

"It would be an absolute pleasure if you do," grinned Sirius. "There are some _mighty fine_ men in Gryffindor, like Remus here," he said, gesturing to a softly smiling, sandy haired Lupin, "and Peter," he continued, tilting his head over at the pudgy, rat-faced man, "and Yours Truly," he concluded, bowing dramatically.

Before Hermione could reply, a blonde haired Racenclaw was suddenly by Sirius' side. A bit startled, Sirius recovered by grinning at the blonde and placing an arm around her.

If Hermione wasn't mistaken, she was _sure_ she saw Remus flinch. Just a bit. Studying him, she saw his eyes trying to look anywhere _except_ at Sirius and the Ravelcaw, only to uncontrollably glance at them now and then.

"Kitten, let me introduce my girlfriend, Astra Greenwood," said Sirius with hidden reluctance.

The blonde Ravenclaw smiled gently, and extended her hand. "Nice to meet you," she said.

Hermione returned the gesture. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Hermione Granger."

Then it dawned on her that she was in the past, and she just _gave up her real name. _Mentally slapping herself, she unconsciously chewed on her lip, looking at the Marauders with doom witten all over her face as if they'd recognize her.

"That's a pretty name," Sirius grinned, when his girlfriend Astra elbowed him in the ribs.

At the same time, Hermion let out a breath of relief. _That was close. Got to be more careful, Hermione_, she told herself in her mind.

"He said that to me the first time we met, too," Astra laughed, playfully slapping Sirius' arm away from her shoulder.

Astra's somewhat high-pitched voice shook Hermione from her thoughts of self-scolding on being more alert. Hermione was about to say something when Remus beat her to it.

"I told you that one day you'd end up being exposed for recycling your lines, mate," chuckled Remus as he slid his two hands in his pants pockets.

Remus, minus the beard, the scars on his face, and with slightly more controlled sandy blonde hair looked exactly as Hermione imagined him to be. She had always wondered how her present Professor would look 30 years bacck, and now that she was quite in that specific time frame, she couldn't help smiling as she watched the corners of his mouth perk up.

"Hogwash," said Sirius nonchalantly, waving a hand in the air in a shooing gesture.

Before anyone from the group could say any more, Astra, with her bottle green eyes, started pulling on Sirius' arm.

"We'll be late; we have potions with Slughorn next," she half-whined.

Hermione's mind was in overdrive. She couldn't understand Astra Greenwood at all. At first, the blonde appeared to be one of the pretty and quiet types that was somehow always disconnected from reality and hard to reach. Sort of like Luna. But then she started getting really clingy to Sirius, whining and pouting like some...well, love sick puppy. Ironic, that Sirius is a dog, too.

Sirius looked like he wanted to say something, but he let Astra pull him away and settled with winking a goodbye to Hermione. Peter Pettigrew waddled after them.

"What is it with him and winking anyway?" Hermione chuckled as she watched Sirius and Astra's retreating backs, without realizing that she had said what was meant to be for her own mind out loud.

A hearty but light laugh came from behind her, startling her into turning around. She was met with the sight of Remus Lupin, hand over his mouth, eyes squinted with mirth, and trying but failing to contain his laughter. She forgot he hadn't left yet.

"Remus?" Hermione called worriedly, though smiling. She had never seen him like that before, and though it wasn't exactly an unwelcomed sight, it made her wonder if he had a few screws loose...especially with the way he was doubling up in silent laughter, his face almost red and lacking oxygen.

Remus started gasping for breath, still mildly laughing. Hermione watched him in amusement, until he calmed down.

"My apologies. It's just that I had thought that I was the only one who noticed Sirius'..._knack_ of winking," chuckled Remus, wiping happy tears from his eyes.

"There must be something wrong with him, really. Though I'm afraid to ask what; it isn't normal to keep winking like that," joked Hermione, giggling a bit.

Remus craned his neck in all directions, as if checking for anyone who might hear them. The hallway was still littered with a few students, so he leaned into Hermione until his mouth was by her ear, his hand cupping over it.

"I'll let you in on a secret: Sirius' left eye twitches ocassionally, but often it does so when he's nervous. Usually it's just a small twitch; unnoticable, really. But when he's really nervous, the twitch somehow intsifies, so he converts it into a wink to save face," he whispered.

Hermione could swear that Remus was grinning, even if she couldn't see if he was.

When Remus finally leaned back, he was grinning like the wolf that he is and Hermione started laughing.

"You're not serious, are you?" she laughed.

"No, I'm Remus," he said matter-of-factly, with such a straight face that it made Hermione life despite the numerous times she already heard that joke.

Remus joined her and broke out laughing, as Hermione gasped in-between laughs, "I can't believe you just said that joke!"

"Neither can I! Oh Merlin, this just proves how I spend too much time with Padfoot," laughed Remus. "Padfoot meaning Sirius. That's his nickname, per se," explained Remus.

"You must be good friends with him, then," smiled Hermione.

Remus' smile wavered a bit, but it steadied and he simply nodded.

_There's something going on between those two,_ thought Hermione.

"Well, I must get going. I have to get all the way down to the dungeons for Potions," said Remus, his cheeks suddenly tinging pink as he looked away from Hermione's eyes and shuffled his feet.

Hermione bit back a smile. He looked like a shy 10 year-old! He was fine with her awhile ago, what made him so shy all of a sudden?

"Yes, yes, of course. I apologize for having detained you," said Hermione.

"No, no, it's a pleasure meeting you, Hermione," replied Remus, seeming to have mustered enough courage to look at her and offer a slight bow of a head and a smile before rushing off at a brirk walk.

_Since when was Remus Lupin a shy person?_ Hermione thought, amused, as she turned around to head to McGonagall's office.

* * *

><p>Severus was in a bad mood today.<p>

Not only did he have to run into a new troublesome girl, but he just _had_ to be humiliated by the juvenille Marauders yet again.

And in front ot Lily, too.

And get rejected.

Again.

Well, it stopped mattering, really. He didn't need Lily's consent or approval or anything of that sort. He already stopped trying to win her affections since the 3rd time she rejected him.

Awhile ago was the 27th time.

But hey, who's counting?

Not Severus.

That's why he has a vase of 26 yellow tulips by the windowside in his secret room; a hidden room, of course, that no one in the whole Hogwarts knew about except him.

That's where Severus found himself stalking off to after the happy little event with the Marauders, Lily, and the new girl. That was after he picked up something from his dorm, thought.

Ignoring everyone else he passed as he usually did, he was about to head to the Library when he passed by Lupin and the new girl, laughing together. He almost laughed out of spite.

_Seems Lupin has finally surrendered on one-sided loves that his 'friend' causes. Moved on, have we? _Severus thought, smirking in his mind as he walked past the two.

Something was different with Lupin, though.

That was a new girl; someone he had yet to talk to before minutes cowardly shyness should have surfaced by now, rendering him speechless and incapable of any coherent thought, as what usually happens when in front of strangers (more specifically, women).

_Pray tell, then, where his shyness has gone?_

Discarding the question from his mind, Severus walked briskly to the Library and to the section that no one ever dares to dwell to: Muggle History. Not even Arthur Weasley, who was one of the prideful Gryffindors and fearless ambassador of all things Muggle, never came to this section. Who would want to read about the two worst subjects in the entire world: Muggles, and History?

The section in itself was particularly hidden, quite in the back of the library where most useless sections go, like Fairies (why there was a whole section of 3 shelves devoted to Fairies, Severus had no idea) and Floriography.

Useless for most, but not for Severus. He stopped by the Floriography section, took a few books off one of the shelves, and headed deeper into the Muggle History section. Reaching the 3rd out of 5 shelves in the particular section, Severus brought out his wand and tapped the shelf.

The shelf slid to the side, allowing him entrance to his secret room. As he stepped inside, the candlebras flickered to life and the shelf slid back into place behind him, hiding the entrance. He trudged across the faded red carpet, lying across the dusty cobblestoned floor, and sat by the windowsill that held a large window (almost 10 feet) and had a view of the black lake. A single lone tree stood by its shore, swaying as the wind blew against it.

Severus reached into his robes and pulled out a white tulip. He placed it in his crystal vase, tucked inside the other tulips.

_27._

27 tulips.

27 times rejected.

Severus had stopped caring if he got rejected.

But that didn't mean it stopped hurting.

He opened one of the Floriography books he took from the shelves and randomly picked a page.

_Carnation (Pink) – symbolizes _"I'll never forget you," "Always on my mind"

Severus groaned.

Great. Now even books were mocking him.

* * *

><p>Taking a deep breath, Hermione knocked on Minerva Mcgonagall's door.<p>

"Come in," called a muffled voice from inside.

Hermione opened the door and stepped inside. She had braced herself for an unfamiliar McGonagall, but she was admittedly disappointed when she saw that this McGonagall looked just like her present one! Albeit with darker hair, but the rest were the same!

"And who, may I ask, do I have the pleasure of meeting? A new student? I see you already got your Hogwarts robes," said Minerva, peering at her from behind her spectacles, quill in hand.

Hermione took another deep breath and reached under her shirt, grasping the cool chain of the Time Turner.

"Professor, my name is Hermione Granger," she began. Pulling out the time turner and showing it to McGonagall, she continued, "and I'm from 1997."

Minerva stared at her blankly, her mouth slightly agape.

Hermione took this as a chance to prove herself.

"I know you in 1997. You used to be my Transfiguration teacher a few years back. I'm currently a 7th year, and now you're Headmistress of Hogwarts. I approached your future self, asking if I could come back to this time and help Severus Snape. He's a Professor at Hogwarts too in 1997, you see, but he's really very miserable, and I asked your future self if I could just try and help him a bit..."

Minerva then spoke up, though she sounded skeptical. "You said that _I_ am Headmistress? In the time you came from?"

"Yes," answered Hermione softly, suddenly scared to deliver the news that 1997 McGonagall asked her to – news and facts that would prove how she's from the future.

"What about..."

"Albus Dumbledore?" said Hermione softly.

Minerva didn't make a single twitch or utter any sound. Minerva's eyes, however, told Hermione that the old lady was preparing for the worst.

Hermione found herself whispering, "He's dead."

Minerva's eyes widened.

After a few seconds of silence, she started sputtering, "This is all nonsense, I shouldn't be bothered with this-"

"Your future self!" Hermione interrupted hastily. "She told me to tell you something! Told me a secret that only you would know, to help prove that I _do_ know your future self, and that I _am_ from the future."

"What secret? I have no secrets, I-"

"You love Albus Dumbledore!" Hermione blurted, her eyes suddenly blurry from the tears.

As she looked into past McGonagall's wide eyes, she couldn't help remembering the talk she had with 1997 McGonagall when she asked to borrow the time turner.

"You'll have to convince my past self," McGonagall had told her, fiddling with her pink carnation brooch. "I'll tell you my deepest secret, something I am the only one who knows.

"Tell my past self that...that I...and she...both of us...we love Albus Dumbledore."

Hermione had gasped, then. "Professor-"

Minerva had held up a hand. "Questions when you return, Hermione. But I'll answer one. Just one."

"Why didn't you tell him -"

"Because he's in love with someone else," the Professor had stated simply. "and that someone else is a man. And Albus is gone. He is dead."

That was when Hermione understood why McGonagall wore different robes and dresses, but only ever wore one brooch, the same one all the time.

A pink carnation.

"I'll never forget you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My dear readers, I am sorry for the horribly long time it took to update. School is my worst enemy. I also apologize for any grammar and/or spelling mistakes. I have yet to install spell check on my newly acquired Linux OS. :)) **

**Review if you missed me and would want another update before I get horribly busy again :**


	4. Chapter 4: Pear Blossoms

**Chapter 4**

**Pear Blossoms**

**~.o.~**

_Some people come into our lives and quickly go. _

_Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, _

_and we are never, ever the same. _

_~Flavia Weedn_

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1997**

Minerva, after sitting in silence with Severus for a while now, was startled out of her thoughts by his abrupt rising from his seat.

"Get some sleep, Severus. Ms. Granger or not, you still have to teach tomorrow," she said in a motherly tone.

As always, Severus merely nodded in reply, pursing his lips slightly, as he left the office. Contrary to Minerva's suggestion, he was _not_ going to sleep just yet. He doubted he could even get any tonight.

Robes billowing behind him, Severus strode to the Library, while his dark eyes swept the grounds for any student out of bed. It was only when the cool, brass handle of the Library doors soothed his clammy hand did he let out the breath he unknowingly held.

He was met with darkness and silence when he pushed the Library doors open. He brought out his wand, casted a non-verbal _Lumos_, and shut the door closed behind him. It had been a while since he last visited the Library, but it was _years_ since he step foot in his secret room.

Walking briskly to the back of the Library where the _Muggle History_ section was, he reached the 3rd shelf and tapped on it with his wand. There was no dust on the shelf, even when it slid to the side to revel the secret room.

_She's been here recently_, he thought to himself.

He hesitated just as he was about to step in. It had been far too long since he had been here. 7 years, in fact. Ever since Hermione Granger came to Hogwarts in her first year, and had discovered his secret room, she had been using it whenever she needed a quiet place (which just happened to be almost every day). Severus, knowing very well how he couldn't possibly use the room anymore when the 11 year old her was using it, stopped coming. Now, he wasn't so sure if this was still the room he remembered it to be; the room that held so much of his memories. Lonely ones, sad ones, and happy, joyous ones, too.

_What if nothing is the same? What if it's decorated in Gryffindor red and gold? What if she brought _other_ people to this room? And they defiled all the precious memories in it?_

He couldn't bear stepping inside the room and see that nothing was the same. He had hoped, that in his life of ever-changing things, people, and events, that this room was the thing that would never change, that it would stay the same, preserving his memories – his _life_.

Just as he was about to back away, like the coward he thought himself as, he remembered: a long, long time ago, when he was 17, the 17 year-old Hermione used to spend time with him in this very room.

And it was this very thought that made him step inside.

The thought of Hermione.

The thought of home.

* * *

><p><strong>September 18, 1978<strong>

Remus, being the fit werewolf that he is, was barely sweating as he entered the Potions classroom with enough time to spare. He had jogged all the way down there, to the dungeons, and had barely messed up his hair.

Not more than it usually is, anyway.

Straightening his robes, he cast a few shy smiles at the mixed crowd of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws (it was a joint class) who looked at him. Striding quickly to his seat, he passed Sirius and Astra, ignoring the way his heart contracted a tiny bit, and settled in the desk behind them. To his right were James and Peter, suspiciously chuckling as they threw enchanted paper frogs at Sirius' head. To his left were Lily and Alice Jenkins, who seemed to be in deep conversation.

Alone yet again, with no one to sit beside him, Remus shrugged his satchel off his shoulder and to the empty seat beside him. He took his Potions book out, opened to a random page, rested his elbows on the desk at either side of the book, cheeks on his palms, and pretended to read.

That's where everyone gets the pretension that he liked to be alone. He liked to read, yes, but it didn't mean he liked to be alone. Being an only child, he was pretty much alone all throughout his childhood years. A werewolf at an early age, he had no friends either. His parents were good people, yes, but he constantly felt their fear whenever they looked at him. It was understandable, of course. He _is _a werewolf.

James burst out laughing, and Remus turned to look at his silly friend. Sirius looked annoyed, but Remus knew that he'll get it sooner or later. That was how James' and Sirius' friendship worked, anyway.

Remus was really grateful that he was friends with the other Marauders and, that James and Sirius took him under their wing. Their friendship meant the world to him.

And that was why he couldn't tell them. No, he just couldn't. Telling them that would ruin everything. _Everything._

"James Potter, if you don't cut it out this instant, Lily would have to find herself a new boyfriend!" Sirius barked suddenly, though in a teasing manner, causing Remus to look forward.

"Remus, tell James to cut it out!" Sirius, who suddenly whipped his head around to look at Remus, begged.

Bright, blue eyes invaded Remus' vision.

It was the eyes that reflected a person, really. Not their actions, or not their smiles, because those could be easily faked. Werewolf and all, Remus' heightened senses could easily tell truths, lies, happiness, or sadness by simply looking at someone's eyes.

The eyes he could never, ever get his mind off of, was Sirius'.

How a person could laugh, joke around, grin, and basically pretend to be someone he wasn't, Remus didn't know.

All he knew was that this person in front of him, with eyes as deep as the sea, was broken.

And he didn't know how to fix it.

* * *

><p>Hermione felt emotionally and mentally drained by the time she finished talking to Minerva. It was already dinner time (their discussion had been that heart-breakingly long) and she was being escorted to the Great Hall by Dumbledore.<p>

She was too tired to bother freaking out (after all, the Dumbledore in the present was dead) and was too busy imagining poor Minerva who was probably silently crying in her office. Once their talk was done, Minerva brought Hermione to Albus, said what Hermione and she planned, and went straight back to her office. Hermione knew that the Transfiguration Professor has had too much information for one day, and felt slightly guilty.

Dumbledore was jabbering away, as Hermione merely nodded and smiled. She was afraid that she might say something to give herself away once she opened her mouth to talk.

Finally, they reached the doors of the Great Hall.

"Ready?" Dumbledore smiled at her, his kind, blue eyes twinkling.

"Yes, sir," she said, her voice shaking.

She never was one who liked being the center of attention.

..._fine,_ she liked it at times, but who doesn't? What she really _didn't_ like, was people _staring_ at her.

Dumbledore pushed the Great Hall doors open, and all the students who were already in the process of eating turned to stop and look at the two of them. They watched as she and Dumbledore walked to the front. What disturbed Hermione the most was the fact that the Great Hall was _silent_.

It was _never _silent.

"Attention," called Dumbledore.

Not that he needed to.

"This," he said, placing a gentle hand on Hermione's shoulder, "is Hermione Granger. She is a transferee, and will be joining the 7th years in their classes."

And then the silence was broken. Hermione had never been glad enough to be surrounded by noise. The silence before was too nerve wrecking.

"I know," said Dumbledore, raising his voice, as simultaneous "shhhhhhh"s echoed throughout the hall, "that you all want to know what House Ms. Granger will be in."

Stopping for suspense, Dumbledore smiled as everyone in the Hall looked at him in anticipation.

"She has been sorted in my office, and she is...a _Gryffindor!"_

The Gryffindor table erupted into cheers, and the Marauders, particularly Sirius, stood up to pull her to the Gryffindor table. She laughed, feeling like a 1st year all over again.

When the noise in the Hall was back, and Hermione was safely seated, she couldn't help but feel nervous as wave after wave of people started introducing themselves to her. All around her were seas of unknown faces; the only ones she knew were the Marauders and Lily.

When the crowd cleared, Hermione found herself sitting beside Lily and in front of the Marauders.

"Hermione! Whose room are you staying in?" asked Lily brightly from beside her.

"You're welcome in my place, kitten," said Sirius, waggling his eyebrows.

"'_My place_' my arse,did you happen to forget that you shared a room with three other people?" chuckled James as he stabbed a piece of chicken leg.

"And we have no vacant beds," added Peter before stuffing his face with mashes potatoes.

"Let's kick Remus out, then," shrugged Sirius nonchalantly as he took a swig of pumpkin juice.

Seconds ticked by without a remark from Remus. Hermione lifted her gaze from her plate that Lily generously filled, and saw that Remus seemed a bit down.

"Don't be so mean to him, Sirius," Hermione said lightly, passing an encouraging smile to Remus when he turned to look at her.

Sirius suddenly stood up, a hand over his heart. "I've been rejected! Has the world ended?"

The people around them who heard the conversation started laughing, and when Hermione looked at Sirius with a blank look, he leaned in to explain, "Developing a crush on our Moony, have you, Ms. Granger?"

"W-What? I-" stammered Hermione, startled, and a bit taken aback.

"You actually chose _him_ over _me? _Me, Sirius Black?" he continued on joking, raking a hand over his hair. "The world really _has_ ended, has-"

Remus slammed his palms on the table top as he stood up, interrupting Sirius.

The Hall grew quiet.

"Moony, what-" James started.

Only Remus seemed like he didn't want to hear it. He stood from his seat and stormed off.

Then the Great Hall started buzzing again, whispers of "What's wrong with Lupin?" everywhere.

At the Gryffindor table, Sirius was nonchalantly eating. James nudged him, as if saying, "Your fault, so go check."

"Why? It's not my problem if he's hot-headed because it's near his time of month," Sirius shrugged, taking a bite of his pasta.

Hermione understood what Sirius meant, of course. Werewolves tended to be all fried up when the full moon was near. Sirius was right, the full moon _was _near: it was 5 days from now.

"Sirius, stop it with the gay jokes, you've been doing it all day. First with Severus and now with Remus," sighed Lily.

Of course, Lily doesn't know about Remus being a werewolf yet.

"I'm not joking, I-" Sirius started, only to be cut off by James' elbowing him in the ribs, accompanied by a sharp glare.

Sirius merely shrugged again and continued eating.

Hermione watched all of this unfold silently. When none of the Marauders went to go after Remus, she sighed and stood up to do so, only to be stopped by Sirius.

"Kitten, let him be; he's just-"

"You know, Sirius, I heard you were mean and a bully, but I never actually believed it until now," she said simply.

With that, she left the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>Severus, book in front of him instead of a plate, was sipping his tea when he heard a banging sound. He looked up to see Remus Lupin striding out of the Great Hall, looking annoyed.<p>

_Drama yet again, _he thought, sighing as he flipped a page.

He went back to his book and his tea, when the student beside him suddenly said, "Look, the new student went after Lupin."

At the mention of "new student", Severus' eyes trailed to look up just in time to see Hermione exit the hall.

"I heard Sirius was just insulted," sniggered some other Slytherin.

Smirking, Severus went back to his book. Only, he found that he couldn't concentrate on the words anymore, to his annoyance. For some reason, nothing was registering in his brain. Sighing, he closed his book, drank the last of his tea, and left the Great Hall.

* * *

><p>"I thought I'd find you here," said Hermione as she sat beside Remus.<p>

The Black Lake twinkled against the moonlight, the stars reflecting on the glassy surface. As the cool night wind blew, the branches of the only tree in the area above them swayed, leaves rustling.

Remus, legs stretched out in front of him, and hands supporting him on the ground, looked at her.

"How did you know..." he trailed off, looking surprised.

Hermione shrugged, looking at the Black Lake. "I just had a feeling."

In truth, she knew Professor Lupin loved sitting by this tree, and came here whenever he needed to de-stress. Even until now, in the present, he would sometimes go there to check homework, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione would join him.

After moments of silence, he said, "I don't know what's gotten into me lately."

Hermione turned to him, to let him know she was listening and he could carry on.

"I just feel irritated all the time, especially with Sirius,"

"I doubt this is his first girlfriend?" asked Hermione.

"Er.. no, Astra isn't his first," said Remus.

Hermione just nodded.

"It's just..._I don't know. _I just feel so irritated. And the fact that his jokes always centralize on _me_ doesn't help," he said, frustrated. "Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, just to spite me."

When Hermione didn't say anything, Remus turned pink, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I must sound like a complete sissy-"

"No, no, I completely understand. See, there's this one boy from...from my old school," Hermione caught herself, "who _always_ picked on me and called me 'Mudblood'. He was a really annoying and arrogant prat, and I hated him when I was younger. As I grew older, though, I sort of realized that he's only like that because he has a lot on his shoulders," she said.

Remus was quiet for a few seconds, analyzing.

"Sirius is like that, too," he said softly.

"I'm sorry?" Hermione said, not quite hearing it.

"Sirius is like that, too," he repeated. "He's been through a lot. I understand why he...why he goes out with a lot of girls, and flirts all the time."

Hermione nodded for him to continue.

"His family...his family disowned him. He cut off all ties with them last year. He lives with James now. He has enough money to last him centuries, since his uncle Alphard left him a hefty inheritance, but...it must be painful...to be hated by your family like that. Blood purists, his family. Sirius resented the idea of blood purity, and his family disowned him for that.

He must be lonely. And so he looks for company, through women. Understandable, really. What I _can't _understand, is why he has to pretend to be happy, when he's clearly not? His eyes say so. He jokes around all the time, and laughs, and smiles, when in reality, he's hurting inside. People think he's just a playboy, his family hates him, and now all he has is _us_, his friends. Why does he have to lie to us, and pretend to be happy? We're the only ones who _know_ him, who can be _there _for him!

And why does he have to waste his time with all those women! I know he wants to get back at his family, but not _that_ way! All the girls he dates are Muggle borns, because he wants to spite his family. He does it on purpose. But in the process, he just hurts himself. He dumps the girl after he manages to sleep with her, just so she'd hate him, and it'd bring a bad reputation to his family. He's only hurting himself! And I can't understand why he can't just go to _us. _James, Peter, and I would gladly help him! He needn't pretend!

It's like I can't do anything for him. All I can do is sit. Sit and watch as he eats himself inside out. Watch as he destroys himself. He really is. There's all this bitterness and loneliness in him that he won't let go of. And here I am, just watching. I can't even repay his kindness to me by helping him out.

He was the one who saved me from loneliness. All I've ever been was alone. There are...some things about me..that repel people. They can't be near me. Even my parents. When I came to Hogwarts, I was dreading another year of being alone, when..when Sirius befriended me. And together with him, was James. If Sirius wasn't kind enough to do that, and so much more...I don't know if I'd be who I am right now. I might be bitter and lonely like he is."

Hermione, nodding, placed a hand on his shoulder, and sent him a kind smile.

"Thank you," he said, embarrassed. "Now I really feel like a sissy."

"You're not," she giggled.

"You know, I'm a shy person. I don't know how I managed to get along with you so quickly."

"It's called magic," grinned Hermione.

"'Magic'?" he chuckled. "Oh, really?"

"Mhm. You want to know what _else_ is magic?"

"What?"

Whipping out her wand, Hermione muttered a spell and pointed to the tree's branches. One by one, the branches sprouted light pink flowers that glowed under the moonlight.

"It's beautiful," whispered Remus, as he laid down on the grass to watch the flowers, some of them falling off the branches as the wind blew.

Hermione did the same, smiling.

* * *

><p>Severus was never one to eavesdrop.<p>

Well, they didn't need to talk to loud, did they, that he could hear them from the 5th floor?

With the help of the open window and some volume increasing charm, that is.

From his secret room, Severus watched the flower tree that Hermione enchanted sway back and forth with the wind.

_She's knowledgeable with flowers,_ he thought.

Watching the new student and Lupin one last time as they laid side by side on the grass in silent company, Severus shut the windows and turned to survey his room.

He walked to the shelf at the far end of the room, where a vast majority of glowing blue vials and a small collection of books were. He picked one of the books of the shelf, turned a few pages, and found what he was looking for.

_Small, light pink flowers...Small, light pink flowers...aha, _he thought, when he found the page with the picture that was similar to the tree outside.

**Pear blossom - lasting friendship**

Shutting the book closed, Severus walked back to the window, taking one last peek.

Granger and Lupin were fast asleep, side by side, fingers inches away from each other.

The new student was much more interesting than he thought.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This chapter is dedicated to my friend, PeriwinkleMoonlight, who bugged me in school long enough. It's thanks to her that you people get an update. :)) Check our her first ever fanfic, a DraMione! A link to her profile is in my profile : **

**So, how'd you like the chapter? I plan to make this story stretch to about 40-50 chapters. **

**If you haven't read my other story, Laws of Attraction, then you wouldn't know how much I love plot twists.**

**So get ready for a lot of them in the in-coming chapters. I know Severus isn't mentioned much in this chappie, but a lot of him will come soon! **


	5. Chapter 5: Eglantine Rose

**A/N: I did a bit of research (okay, scratch that, _A LOT OF RESEARCH) _to prepare for the up-coming plot twists, just as promised, and I realized I made a pretty big mistake: Hogwarts' school term starts at _SEPTEMBER_ _1ST. _That's why I've changed the dates. Sorry about that. **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

**Eglantine Rose**

**~.o.~**

"_In the night, I hear 'em talk_

_the coldest story ever told_

_somewhere far along this road_

_he lost his soul_

_to a woman so heartless."_

_- Heartless by Kanye West_

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1978**

"Some prefect _you_ turned out to be," chuckled Sirius, as he looked down at Remus' sleeping face.

The scene before him was quite romantic, actually. A scene that could have come straight out of some sappy romance novel. A man and a woman, innocently asleep, side-by-side on the grass, fingers barely touching, under the moonlit night and falling flowers.

"Funny, I never recalled there being flowers of any kind around here," thought Sirius aloud, as he gazed up at the falling pear blossoms.

He directed his gaze down at the two again. At Remus and Hermione. Sleeping peacefully. He squatted down by them, arms folded across his knees, with his chin rested on it.

"Hermione Granger," he said, observing her sleeping form. "I must say, I admire your spunk. There has yet been a person who has managed to insult me and wound my pride at the same time, and managing to make me feel guilt in the process. Well, James can do that, but no _girl_ has ever stood up to me before."

As if in acknowledgment, Hermione stirred a bit in her sleep.

"I think I'll make you think twice about rejecting me," he grinned smugly.

"_You_, on the other hand," he said, addressing sleeping Remus, "have to quit taking everything so seriously. Take everything _Sirius-ly_, not seriously. Haha, get it?" he chuckled, as if Remus was awake to laugh along with him.

"You know I just like picking on you," he continued, as the wind blew and messed up Remus already-messed-up look. "It's only because you're so easily ruffled. Though something seems off about you recently. I know you get all jittery and anxious and overly-emotionally-sensitive when the full moon is nearing, but recently it's much worse."

As if expecting an answer, he waited for a few seconds, lingering on Remus' face. He knew that there were scars there. Scars of battle. Proofs of Remus' suffering. What it must be like for a person to hurt himself unconsciously...

As the night wind continued to blow, and the stars above twinkled brightly, Sirius

"The truth is," said Sirius softly, "I'm not the nice person you think I am."

* * *

><p>As the morning rays of light pierced through the Gryffindor red curtains of the room, Hermione stirred awake. She felt one side of her bed dip, and her sheets being pulled. She pried an eye open, only to jerk awake at the sight of Lily and Alice in their flanel pajamas, a knowing grin plastered smugly on their faces as they sat at each side of her bed.<p>

"So, Hermione," said Alice as she winked at her knowingly, her short hair sticking up in all directions, "One day at Hogwarts and already you've snagged yourself a boyfriend."

"A Marauder, even. A very applaudable feat, I must say," added Lily.

"Very applaudable, indeed," nodded Alice jokingly.

"She simply _must_ tell us how she'd done it, right, Alice?"

"Oh, she simply _must_."

For a few seconds there, as Hermione slowly shifted from the world of dreams into reality, she thought she saw Fred and George in front of her. A little rubbing of her eyes sleepily and blinking away the grogginess reminded her that Fred was, in fact, dead, and that she was in the past right now, where Fred and George weren't even born yet.

Well, with the way Lily and Alice joked around and finished each other's sentences, they could have been twins.

"Hermione? Are you finished dreaming about your boyfriend, or do we have to oblige ourselves in dousing you with cold water just to wake you up?" laughed Lily.

"You do realize we won't let you out of this bed until you tell us _everything_?" grinned Alice.

"It's the least you could do after we offered you a place in our room," joked Lily.

"What are you two talking about, I-" started Hermione.

"Don't you even try to deny it," grinned Lily.

"We happened to be awake last night, or rather, _this morning_, when you came in," continued Alice.

"We shan't forget to mention that it was one in the morning," said Lily, waggling her eyebrows.

"And rather than you _coming in_, a certain Marauder _carried_ you in," squealed Alice.

The pair teetered at the edge of Hermione's bed, almost bouncing up and down with excitement. Hermione could have laughed at the sight if she wasn't so confused with what the two were going on about.

"I honestly don't know what you two are talking about, last night I...I..." Hermione trailed off.

_Oh Merlin, what _did_ I do last night? Wait, I was talking to Remus by the lake...then...I must have _fallen asleep! _So Remus must have carried me back here!_

"Look," Hermione began, running a hand through her bed hair. "Nothing's going on with Remus and I-"

"Remus? You're with _Remus?" _Alice squealed in delight, giving Hermione a look of '_hot new scandal off the press!' "_You mean Remus and Sirius are fighting over you?"

"How does Sirius fit into all of this?" Hermione asked, confused.

"He only _carried_ you up here last night," Lily said sarcastically, laughing.

"How he manages to get up the magical stairs, no one knows. No wonder he gets to sleep with-" Alice broke off, seeing Hermione's confused look. "Hold on – you _really_ have no idea about what happened last night?"

Hermione shook her head. "I swear, I was just talking with Remus by the lake, and I must have fallen asleep. Then suddenly, I'm awake here."

Lily and Alice studied her for any signs of a lie. They must have determined that she wasn't lying, so they both sat cross-legged on her bed and started to explain to her.

"Alice and I were waiting for you last night," started Lily.

"Although it was quite late, we assumed you were...to put it nicely, _having fun_," laughed Alice.

Hermione turned pink and shook her head, denying anything of the sort.

"We were about to turn in, as we were too sleepy to wait any longer, when Sirius came strutting in with you fast asleep in his arms," explained Lily.

"Imagine what was going through our minds," laughed Alice.

"Alice, who never was one to keep her thought to herself, voiced them out to Sirius, actually," chuckled Lily.

"I asked him, 'Had fun with the new student?' Then he _winked _at me, and replied, '_Enormous_ fun. I actually plan to keep this one.'!" squealed Alice.

_I swear, I'm going to murder that-_

Shaking her head, Hermione said, "Nothing happened. None. I think I vaguely recall being carried up here, now, but I thought it was Remus. Remus probably fell asleep, too, and Sirius went looking for us since it was getting late."

She stood up from her bed, trying to straighten her curls with her fingers, as she headed to the bathroom.

"So you're _not_ going out with Sirius?" asked Alice.

"I hate to disappoint you, but no," laughed Hermione.

"Remus, then?" asked Lily.

"What do you take me for, exactly? It's only my second day here!" joked Hermione.

Alice and Lily laughed along with her.

"Do you fancy Remus, though?" asked Lily.

"He seems like a nice person, but I don't fancy him in _that _way," said Hermione over the running sink water as she splashed water on her face.

Lily sat by the edge of her bed, dangling her legs by the edge. "Well, that's good to know. I hate to be the one breaking it to you if you fancied him."

"Break what to me?" said Hermione, as she stood by the bathroom's door, drying her face with a towel.

"That he's...well, _swinging the other way_?" said Alice nervously.

"I guess I'm not the only one who noticed that," replied Hermione sadly.

* * *

><p>Severus was having a fairly good day so far, if he could say so himself. He woke up without anybody waking him up, for the first time in a <em>very <em>long time. He was usually awoken by his two pompous room mates, Avery and Mulciber. It was either their monstrous steps across the room, or their clumsy banging all over the place that woke Severus and put him in a bad mood every day.

Miraculously, today, Severus woke up first, without any racket to put him in a sour mood. Since he woke up a bit earlier than he usually did, everyone else was still preparing for the day when he was headed to the Great Hall for breakfast. That's why nobody bothered him, or called him "_Snivellus_," or laughed at him, or intentionally shoved him until he fell and scattered his books.

Of course, he could easily fight him off with his newly created spells, but that would just get him put into Albus Dumbledore's office. And quite frankly, Severus didn't want to spend another day in the presence of that man, especially after their _last_ meeting.

So Severus put up with the bullying.

_Let them think they're more superior; they'll be begging for forgiveness when the time comes_, he constantly reminded himself.

He was only one of the few that were already in the Great Hall. He took his usual seat, at the far end of the Slytherin table, and propped his book open on the table. He poured himself some tea, and was drinking and reading in peace. Even as the students started piling in, he was still in his own little world, content.

Until the Gryffindor posse started roaring in, that is. It didn't help that the Slytherin table was _right next_ to the Gryffindor's. So when the infamous Marauders (Severus didn't understand why they were even so popular, when they were such pompous potheads) strolled in noisily, laughing and chatting, Severus raised his gaze from his book to glare at the criminals who disturbed his peace.

Sirius was roaring loudly. When he saw Severus glaring at him, he grinned smugly and was swaggering to him when suddenly a blonde girl stepped in his way...

and slapped him. Hard.

The Great Hall was silent, and the sound of the slap rang across the room.

"What the bloody hell-" started Sirius, glaring at his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

"I could say the same to you. You could at least have the decency to break up with me first before deciding you want a new girlfriend, and _sleeping _with her," glared Astra Greenwood.

"Woah there, Astra. Sirius doesn't have a new girlfriend-" started James, only to be cut off.

"Oh, really? So what was Hermione Granger, then? A one-night stand?"

That was when the Great Hall started buzzing.

Severus couldn't help raising his brows, too. Did he hear that correctly? _Hermione Granger? _The new student? He didn't think she'd be that type of girl. But then again, he just met her yesterday. It was a mistake on judgement in his part.

"Excuse me?" Hermione retorted loudly. She had just entered the Great Hall, just in time to hear Astra's comment.

The Great Hall silenced once again.

"You are new, but you should know your place," hissed Astra.

"And _you_ should know not to believe in _rumors_," snapped Hermione.

Sirius, ever the peace-maker (not), draped an arm over Hermione's shoulder.

"Ladies, calm down. We can-"

"_Levicorpus!"_

As if somebody grabbed his ankled, Sirius was suddenly pulled upside down, and left hanging in mid-air, revealing his underwear.

"Bloody hell, let me down! I-"

"_I will not_, until you tell everybody in this room, that I am _not _your girlfriend, and that we did _not_ sleep with each other, and that _nothing_ happened last night," Hermione seethed.

"Alright, alright! Hermione Granger is _not _my girlfriend, and we did _not _sleep with each other! Nothing happened last night!"

Sirius was let down, Astra helped him up, and Hermione glared at him one last time, before she took her seat, Alice and Lily at each side of her.

The Great Hall started buzzing again, and throughout the whole episode of Hermione performing the _Levicorpus_, Severus eyes were wide with surprise.

He did take great pleasure in seeing Sirius Black humiliated the way _he himself_ was two years ago, but there was something nagging him in the back of his mind:

_How in the name of Salazar Slytherin did she know that spell, when I am its creator, and she only arrived in Hogwarts yesterday? _

* * *

><p>Classes were a drag, as usual. Severus just arrived in his secret room, skipping lunch, mulling over the mystery that was Hermione Granger. He couldn't stop thinking about it ever since breakfast. Her using his spell, not <em>her<em>.

How did she know his spell? She only came here yesterday...unless...unless she managed to read his Potions book, where he jotted everything down. But that was impossible, because his Potions book was-

A mixed stream of swearwords came pouring out of Severus' mouth as he groped the contents of his bag frantically, looking for his Potions book. He was so concentrated on this, that he didn't notice someone entering his secret room. It was only when the secret bookshelf slid back into place did he look up, only to see Hermione Granger herself, carrying a plate of food and a goblet of pumpkin juice.

"What are you doing here? How did you know about this room?" Severus asked suspiciously, standing up and narrowing his eyes at her.

"I brought you lunch. I noticed you never eat, you just drink and read your book. No wonder you're so skinny; it's not good to skip out on meals. And I followed you," she said simply, walking towards him and setting the food and goblet down on the floor. "Don't you have a table in here? I guess we'll have to transfigure one." With a flick of her wand, a galleon from her pocket was transfigured into an equally shiny square table in the center of the room, complete with two matching chairs.

Severus was impressed. A bit. Whether he wanted to admit it or not. Hermione Granger was magically talented. Severus was never good with Transfiguration.

But then he remembered that his privacy was being invaded, by a stranger, no less, and a possible thief.

As Hermione transferred the food and goblet from the floor to the table and started looking around the place, Severus observed her warily from his spot, refusing to budge an inch towards her.

"You seem to have the misconception that you're allowed in here," he drawled.

"And _you _seem to have the misconception that this room is _yours_," she replied nonchalantly.

Hermione noticed that a lot about the room was different. The green and red arm chairs were nowhere to be seen, the fireplace was boarded up when in the present 1997 it wasn't, there was only one bookshelf where in 1997 there were about 10, the beautiful vase of never dying assortments of different flowers that were supposedly on the table weren't-

_Wait. The table. It wasn't here awhile ago! But in 1997 it is! Does that...does that mean _I _was the one who put this table here? Even if I did it unconsciously...I must have been the one who set this table here in the first place! That's why in 1997, the table existed!_

Severus was still observing Hermione warily, and he was a bit taken aback when she suddenly started staring at her newly conjured table as if it wasn't supposed to be there, then changing expressions to a look that he found on his own face whenever he created a new spell.

_Speaking of spells..._

"How do you know _Levicorpus?" _He asked her warily.

_Oh Merlin, I forgot! _He_ was the one who invented that spell! And I supposedly only arrived here yesterday!_

"Oh, I-"

"You pocketed my Potions book, I assume? And found the spell there?" he said accusingly.

"I did _not_ steal anything-"

"Ah, I think I remember now. I left it in the Potions classroom this morning, in a hurry to get to my next class. You must have opened it and browsed through it then, have you not?"

_Thank Merlin that he likes to over-think, _she sighed mentally.

"Yes, yes, you caught me. Now go and eat before the food turns cold," she said, waving a hand as if to brush the topic away.

Severus didn't budge from his spot.

_Is this woman _daft? _Why the bloody hell..._

"Perhaps in your previous school, you walk around as if you merely own the place. But here, I ask that you go about bringing you and your meddling somewhere else," he drawled.

"Look, you're stick thin and pale enough as it is. Skipping out on meals doesn't do you any good. You might end up getting sick, so go and eat something," sighed Hermione.

_She uses some interesting words.._

"Are you deaf? Because I believe I just told you not to meddle," he said.

"Are _you_ deaf? Because _I_ believe _I _just told you to eat," Hermione countered, crossing her arms caross her chest.

Severus fought the chuckle that was threatening the break out. He had _no idea_ why he suddenly felt like laughing, or grinning, when he knew he was supposed to be feeling annoyed with the way she kept throwing back everything that he said at him.

"I've had enough of this," Severus sighed. "Out," he said, resuming to glaring at her.

"If _you_ refuse to cooperate with me, why should I copperate with you?" Hermione said, shrugging.

_Two can play at that game_, she smirked internally. She got up from her chair, and walked to the bookself. She eyed the glowing blue vials, not wanting to touch them lest she break them, and studied the books instead.

Severus sighed. The last time he had dealt with such a hard headed woman was...Lily.

"You seem to think you have a _choice_," he said, hardening his tone.

Hermione ignored him. Her attention was on a familiar looking spine of a book...

"Don't touch my belongings."

Hermione pulled the book our from the shelf. Her eyes widened.

_No. There must be tons of books like this all over the place. But...but it _feels the same_._

"_The Language of Flowers_," said Hermione, reading the title of the book out loud.

"And what of it?" said Severus defensively, suddenly compelled to defend himself regarding his particular fondness of flowers.

Hermione, realizing she read the title out loud, said hastily, "N-nothing. I-I've read this book."

"And? Do you think me as a 'sissy' for reading such a book?" Severus accussed more than asked.

Hermione shook her head. "No, I think there's something beautiful in the way flowers have meaning, and the way flowers can represent people and their feelings. For example, I think you're very similar to the Rose."

To say Severus was surprised was an understatment. He was downright flabbergasted.

"You don't even know me. If you did, the rose is the last flower you would ever think of that would describe someone like me," he found himself saying softly, almost sadly.

It was the sad truth. This girl didn't know him. Didn't know how he was, the things he has done. How could someone like him be compared to something as elegant, as lovely, as a Rose? It was silly. Hermione Granger was silly. Just when he was starting to think that she was intelligent, too.

"An Eglantine Rose, to be exact," she said, ignoring him, opening to the page of the specific flower in the book she was holding.

"I think you're mistaken, an Eglantine Rose means-"

"I know what it means," she said, looking at him.

"And I know that you're just broken."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: PHEW. Wasn't that _long?_ **

**Now come on, guys. If you skipped the A/N up there, go back to it, it's pretty important, just so you won't get confused. :)**

**And just a bit of F.Y.I: The flowers really do mean what they do in the fic. This fic really requires me a big amount of time researching. :)) **

**Also, I _know_ this is beginning to sound like a Remus/Hermione fic, but bear with me. You know how I adore love triangles. ;)**

**Like or dislike? Let me know! Drop a review! :D**


	6. Chapter 6: Olive Tree

**Chapter 6**

**Olive Trees**

**~.o.~**

"_Peace is the only battle worth waging."_

_- Albert Camu_

**~.o.~**

**September 18, 1978**

"Well, Padfoot. I think you've just been humiliated for the first time in your whole life. How does it feel?" grinned James as he piled food up on his plate.

They were having roasted chicken and braised potatoes for lunch, and James was starving. He wasn't so sure if he could bring the topic up now, since he wasn't able to at breakfast, after the whole "episode" happened. Sirius seemed too shocked to register anything that James would have said, so James saved it 'til Sirius was sober enough.

Well, Sirius was looking sober enough. He's gotten over the initial shock of it all, and was back to his "i -don't-give-a-damn" demeanor. He was eating his potatos with as much dignity as he could muster, which made James laugh out loud.

"I must say, Prongs, that it's a worthy experience. Remind me to thank the lady later," replied Sirius, grinning back.

"Don't you dare lay a finger on her, Sirius. She's a nice girl, and you know you deserved it," scolded Lily from across him.

"Relax, Evans. I'm not going to hurt her. I'm actually quite interested-"

"Don't," interrupted Remus suddenly.

Sirius, surprised that Remus spoke (he hadn't said a word the whole day), raised a brow. "Pardon?"

"Don't put her in your 'list'," Remus said, eyes all serious.

"What are you going on about-"

"Your 'list' of women to go after," Remus clarified. "Don't put her in the same category as those other...other.."

"Sluts?" James supplied casually, taking another forkful of chicken.

His remark earned him a slap on the arm by Lily, to which he mouthed a "What?" to.

"Well, yes. That," said Remus. "She's different-"

"I know she is, Moony. And I don't intend to steal her away from you, so relax," chuckled Sirius.

"W-What?" stammered Remus, turning pink.

"Aww, look, Padfoot. You made him blush," teased James.

"Little Moony's finally found his special someone!" Sirius continued, grinning.

"It's nothing like that, it's just-"

"Cut it out, you guys," laughed Alice. She placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Remus, I, for one, think you should go for it. She's really nice, and I can feel that she's a unique person."

"We just met her yesterday, how can you say that?" chuckled Sirius.

"Well, look at how much of an impact she made on _you_, Black," grinned Alice.

Sirius muttered incoherently as he took a sip of juice.

"Really, though. It's nothing.._romantic_. I agree that she is a nice witch, though. And unique, perhaps. But it's nothing like that. I...well...I have someone else that I like," mumbled Remus.

Alice and Lily exchanged a look.

"Oh, really now, Moony? You _have _to introduce her to us," Sirius said, grinning.

"Tomorrow's a Hogsmeade weekend, isn't it? Bring her with you!" suggested James.

"Let's meet in the Three Broomsticks," nodded Sirius.

And before Remus could even get out of it, the matter was settled.

_Sweet Merlin, _now _what am I going to do? _

* * *

><p>"An Eglantine Rose?" Severus asked skeptically, as he sat by the windowsill.<p>

Hermione was back to sitting in one of the table's chairs that she had just transfigured. "Yes. '_a wound to be healed'_."

Severus snorted. "I have no wounds in need of healing."

_A lie. She's right._

"That's what everyone says when they want to sound strong," stated Hermione matter-of-factly.

"'Sound strong'? I _am _strong. Students who know what I'm capable of fear me," Severus argued.

"That's not strength. That's merely toughness. It's so easy to be tough, but it's difficult to be strong," said Hermione, as she leafed through the book in her hands.

"If I'm not mistaken, those two words mean the same thing," said Severus, his eyes narrowing.

"No, toughness is all physical. An outward appearance. Something that's only for show. Strength, is inside one's heart. It's the light in the dark. The good in the bad."

"That's ridiculous. I don't know why you Gryffindors insist that there is always 'light in the dark' and 'good in the bad'. Why can't you accept that there are truly evil people in this world, and that they have no ounce of good in them?" he said, the bitterness evident in his voice.

"The dark is merely the absence of light. The fact that light is capable of being absent means that it is there, and exists, in the first place. How can something be absent if it was never present? It's the same thing with evil. For something to be evil, it had to be good, first. The fact that it's evil means there was a good. That's why I believe there's a good in everybody."

Severus mulled over her insights. It was frustrating that he couldn't find a flaw in it..._yet_. But he didn't want to lose this argument – he never did like losing. So, to put it on pause...

"For how long do you further intend to invade my personal space?" Severus drawled.

"I saw no sign outside the door that indicated this was _your_ room," Hermione simply replied.

And it was true. She had found this room accidentally during her first year. When she first entered it, it looked like a room that wasn't _frequently_ used, but certainly used. She had thought that students from centuries past used the room for private matters.

Fed up with her stubborn, know-it-all attitude, Severus took a book from his satchel and rested his back against the window pane.

"Suit yourself. Just don't expect me to keep you company," he sneered.

And with that, he shut her out.

Hermione, seeing that she was being ignored already, continued reading the Floriography book in her hands.

The two stayed like that for a long time. Severus was surprised that he actually got to read in peace. Most of the time, the presence of other people around him unnerved him so much that he couldn't concentrate well. The books he had with him wherever he went was more on a shield, rather than something he actually read. It was so that people wouldn't approach him and make fun of him straight to his face. It would seem like a cowardly exit, using books to shield himself, but he'd rather that people make fun of him behind his back, or a few distances away from him, than right in front of his face.

He might be tempted to _Sectumsempra _them if that were to happen.

And he didn't want to end up in Dumbledore's office again.

Hermione, engrossed in the book she was reading, only tore her eyes away from the pages to check the time. Once she saw that lunch was almost over, she stood up, left the book on the table, and silently left.

* * *

><p>Remus could barely just keep himself from banging his head on the table. He just <em>had<em> to open his big mouth and tell them he fancied someone. Was the feeling he felt deep down inside him even considered _liking _someone? That feeling you get, when the person you fancy is with someone else? When you wish you had more time to spend with the person alone?

_Oh for Godric's sake.._

Merlin knows how long he struggled with the fact that he liked a _bloke_. And now he's done it. He's told his friends he fancied someone.

Well, he couldn't possibly tell them it's...

He raised his eyes from his desk. Sirius was sitting in front of him again, beside James, this time. They were having Transfiguration with the Slytherins, and there was _no way _Sirius or James would ever sit beside a Slytherin, given a choice. So when it came to classes with the Snakes, they would immdiately sit beside one another.

Peter seemed like he couldn't care less who he was sitting with, since he was sitting with one of the Slytherins.

"Well, where's Granger, Moony? She bolted right after she ate lunch," Sirius asked, turning around in his seat.

"She said she was going to give her Hogsmeade letter to McGonagall then stay in the Library," replied Remus nonchalantly.

"I told you he knew, Prongs. Probably memorized her whole bloody schedule," Sirius grinned, nudging James.

"Cut it out already, Padfoot. Moony said he fancied someone else," sighed James.

"I don't believe him, not in the slightest. I know for sure it's Granger."

Remus, smelling the scent of warm vanilla and roses near by, and hearing the clacking of heels on stone, shushed Sirius and James.

"She's coming," muttered Remus.

"Committed her scent into memory already, eh?" teased Sirius.

"Shut it, Padfoot," Remus hissed, just as Hermione entered the room.

Sirius raised a challenging brow to Remus.

_Oh sweet Melin, not again-_

"Hermione! Kitten! Remus saved a seat just for you-"

"Finally recovered, Black?" Hermione said, rolling her eyes, as she took the empty seat beside Remus.

Sirius _had_ been pretty sulky after the whole incident with the _Levicorpus. _

He ignored her remark. "We were just talking about you. You see, James and I think Remus is particularly fond of you-"

"I happen to know that he fancies someone else," said Hermione nonchalantly as she pulled out her Transfiguration textbook.

The three Marauders were silenced with that.

"What's this, eh, Moony? You've told the lady, and yet you haven't told your best mates?" Sirius pouted, faking his hurt.

"He didn't tell me anything. If you just observed more, you'd know, too," she said matter-of-factly.

Beside her Remus was tensing up. Was she serious? Did she really know?

Before any of the Marauders could say anything else, Professor McGonagall walked in, and lessons started.

* * *

><p><strong>September 19, 1978<strong>

Hogsmeade weekends were never really a big deal for Severus. He usually just restocked on quills, lingered in Dervish & Banges, then spent the rest of the day in the Three Broomsticks Inn, reading. That was his usual cycle, and he always stuck to it.

He was on his way to the Three Broomsticks Inn, having just come out of Dervish & Banges, when he collided into someone.

"Oh, sorry, I-"

One glare from Severus silenced Hermione Granger.

Of all people to run into, why did it always have to be _her_? She just wouldn't leave him alone. She insists on bringing him food all the time, which he doesn't touch at all and ends up being returned to the kitchens. She brought him dinner last night, in his not-so-secret-anymore room, and stayed there to do her homework. He hadn't said a single word to her since yesterday lunch time. He was officially ignoring her. She was getting on his nerves, and so he was ignoring her.

Severus didn't give her a chance to say anything else, and just continued on his way with a sneer. He turned a corner, into one of the alleyways for a short-cut. It was noon time, and the sun blinded his eyes. He held a hand up to shield himself, and proceeded to walk blindly for a few seconds.

Suddenly, he halted.

He thought he heard a sound...

There it was. Again.

He looked down. Sure enough, there was the source of the sound.

"_Mreow_," the kitten cried.

Severus took in it's grimy fur, boney frame, and concluded it must have been orphaned. He gave it a look, something that was a cross between sympathy and difference, and walked on. Only, he was halted yet again by a yanking on his coat.

Looking back down, he saw the kitten pulling his coat back, all four paws grounded to the floor. Sighing, he knelt down and faced the tiny cat.

"What?" he asked harshly and irritatedly.

"_Mreow_," the cat merely said, letting go of his coat.

Severus raised a brow.

_Have I gone insane?Why am I talking to a cat? _

He shook his head and stood up, walking on. As he exited the alleyway, he looked back, and was relieved to see that the cat was nowhere in sight. Relieved, and ...worried? The cat was definitely orhpaned. It was stick and bones, and probably hadn't eaten for days...

And he remembered himself, starving, as he stayed locked up in his room as a child. No food, no water, no anything...

_It's not your problem, Severus_. _It's just a measley cat, and-_

"_Mreow."_

Severus' head snapped down.

He settled for an "I knew it" harrumph.

The only day Severus Snape would smile is when hell froze over.

"Come along, then, but you pay for your own meals."

"_Mreow."_

* * *

><p>"So, Moony. Where's this wonderful girl of yours?" said Sirius, downing another mug of butterbeer.<p>

The four Marauders have been in the Three Broomsticks for awhile now, and were on their third round of Butterbeer each (courtesy of the ever-wealthy Sirius Black, of course). There was actually no one else in the Inn aside from them, since all the other shops were having a sale and have cut down on the prices of their items. Everybody else was out shopping while the Marauders took that as an opportunity to have the Inn to themselves.

"This again? I was really hoping you'd forget all about it," sighed Remus, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"When has Padfoot ever forgotten gossip?" James chuckled as he pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose.

"That's the only thing he ever remembers," snorted Peter, causing him to slosh around a bit of his Butterbeer.

"Har-har, very funny. I just-"

The door chime tingled, and in came Severus Snape. He cast a narrow look at the Marauders' table before sitting by the counter, his back to them.

"Look, there's Snape. Go bother him instead of bothering me," said Remus, gesturing to the general direction of Severus.

"You're not getting away from me _that_ easily; I refuse to be distracted. So now, cough it up. Who's this new girl of yours?" said Sirius, leaning in towards Remus, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

"Why are you so curious about my personal life, anyway? You were never curious about anything else about me," sighed Remus, shaking his head.

"That's a lie, I was curious about a lot of things-"

The door chimed again, and the Marauders noticed that Severus Snape had left.

Sirius' attention returned to Remus.

"Stop being such a priss and just tell us already, it's just a simple little thing. I can't comprehend why-"

Remus, for some reason that he himself couldn't understand, was now angry. He was tired and angry. Tired of Sirius' prodding and trying to evade the question. Angry at Sirius for making him feel so confused and for all the sleepless nights Sirius caused him. Angry for all the days he spent banging his head on the wall, punishing himself for being _gay_. Angry for all the times he argued with himself, telling himself he _wasn't _gay, until he couldn't deny the truth anymore, and now he was just so freaking angry-

"BECAUSE IT'S YOU, ALRIGHT? YOU'RE THE ONE I LIKE! I'M GAY! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE WRONG WITH ME? I'M GAY, AND I'M A BLOODY WERE-"

Remus was knocked back, and fell to the floor, pushing some chairs back. His hand automatically flew to his jaw, where he had been punched. Sirius loomed over him, James holding him back a bit with a hand on his arm.

The instincts kicking in, Remus pushed himself off the floor and took a jab at Sirius, who took the blow almost..intentionally.

After a few seconds of silence, Sirius said, "Feeling better?"

"What on earth was that for?" Remus asked.

"To help you get over yourself," Sirius said simply, as he massaged his aching jaw.

When no one said anything else, James put an arm around both of them.

"So. When do you kiss and make up?"

That earned him two smacks on the head.

"Hey, I was just lightening the mood."

* * *

><p>Severus was in an empty field beside the Shrieking Shack, where there were numerous Olive trees scattered in the area. He had bought some milk from the Three Broomsticks, and he watched as the cat licked it up at lightning speed.<p>

"I don't suppose you'd want to be my familiar?" Severus said, as he sat down and rested his back on one of the tree trunks.

The cat stopped drinking. "_Mreow," _it said, before it got back to its milk.

Severus looked up at the trees' leaves, watching it sway and rustle with the wind.

_Olives..symbolize peace_, he thought, picturing a particular page in the book in his mind. _Well, it surely has been a peaceful day. No bratty Gryffindors to torture me._

Severus studied the cat again. It was probably just a few weeks old, judging from its size. It was difficult to see the exact color of its fur, what with all the grime and dirt in the way, but it looked as if it could possibly be brown. It's face looked abnormally flat, and it looked very much like a Kneazle. Aside from it being almost skeletal due to the lack of food, it also had weird, bandy legs.

_Bandy legs, _Severus thought.

"How about Crookshanks as a name?"


	7. Chapter 7: Desolate Marigold

**Chapter 7**

**Desolate Marigolds**

**~.o.~**

"_No sould is desolate as long as there is _

_a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."_

_- T.S. Elliot_

**~.o.~**

**September 19, 1978**

Sirius couldn't sleep.

How could _anyone_ sleep, for that matter, when your best friend just tells you that he's gay for you?

Remus' golden eyes that crinkled a bit when he smiled, sandy wind-swept hair, scars that were faint and seemed missing when you didn't know they were there, _everything – _they kept popping into Sirius' mind.

Sirius had tried almost _everything_ he could to make the horrid thoughts go away. It wasn't that his best friend was horrid, but the fact that he was _thinking_ about Remus so constantly was horrid.

Because the last time he checked, Sirius Black was _not_ gay. Not even the slightest bit.

But he did love Remus. Just not in.._that_ way.

Remus was his closest friend. Aside from James, anyway, but James was more than a friend, he was a brother.

There had always been something about Remus that pulled Sirius to the werewolf straight away, ever since their first year in Hogwarts. Remus' eyes had always seemed so kind and loving, and he had a fatherly atmosphere about him; but there was a certain..ruggedness to him that didn't quite fit the picture.

And so, curious, Sirius befriended him, together with James.

Remus had also always been the father figure of the group, always maintaining the order within the Marauders. Even if Remus nagged a lot, Sirius didn't mind. Remus was like a father he wished he had. Or a brother.

But why would Remus ever like him?

_That's because he doesn't know, _Sirius thought. _He doesn't know how evil you are_.

_He doesn't know you took him in as a friend only because he seemed more pitiful than you did, that his presence is a reminder that there's someone else more pitiful than you are – that you're just _using _him to make yourself feel better._

Sirius opened his eyes, staring at his bed's canopy, his hands fisting the sheets.

_So why can't I stop thinking about you_? He thought. The images of this afternoon's little confession kept replaying in his mind, no matter how hard he pushed them away from his head.

_As soon as he finds out you're just using him, he'll abandon you straight away_, a voice in his head told him.

And it was true. Once Remus found out how Sirius wasn't the jolly, smug, cool man he was, Remus would get over his infatuation. Maybe he'd even hit it off with Hermione Granger. After all, they did seem close.

But the thought of Remus and Hermione together made Sirius cringe a bit. He couldn't imagine Remus having a life of his own, having a girlfriend and being happy. Remus had always been the good little puppy that he was, trailing behind Sirius, sitting by Sirius' side and taking care of him. He never had a girlfriend, because he was always getting Sirius and James out of trouble.

Now that Sirius thought about it, the signs were there all along! Remus had always stuck by him, no matter how annoying or infuriating he got. They had fights, but it was always Remus who apologized first. Remus always put up with everything Sirius did, and listened whenever Sirius ranted, and...

...it was there all along.

But if Remus and Hermione seriously _did_ end up together, where would that leave Sirius? The man who had always taken care of Sirius, gotten him out of trouble, listened to him without judging (like James sometimes did) and nagged him endlessly would be gone. Would the midnight strolls as werewolf and dog end, too? Where they'd run and run, until they were both breathless, staring off into the starry skies, leaving all of the troubles of the world behind? Where they'd tackle each other playfully and try to see who's stronger than who, and the loser would have to take a dare the next day?

"Fuck," Sirius muttered, rolling over in his bed.

_This is no time to go gay, Sirius, _he told himself.

_Besides, Remus will start to hate you as soon as he realizes the truth: you're only using him_.

* * *

><p><strong>September 20, 1978<strong>

"Good morning," Hermione smiled at the Gryffindors before sitting herself between Lily and Remus.

"'Morning, kitten," Sirius grinned from across her.

Hermione raised a brow at him as she served herself some pancakes. "In a good mood, Black?"

"Maybe. A good enough mood to ask you out on a study date," he smiled at her.

Remus froze, his grip on his tea tightening until his knuckles turned white. He didn't know what to make of this – had Sirius not taken him seriously yesterday? Or was this Sirius's way of rejecting him?

Hermione almost dropped the fork she was holding. She had heard from Lily (who had heard from James) that Remus had confessed to Sirius yesterday. And here was Sirius, asking her out in the open?

She felt Remus beside her stiffen considerably, and she bit her lower lip to think of some way to fix this mess that Sirius seemed to be keen into getting himself into.

"Actually, you're too late; I've made plans with Remus here, y'see," she smiled innocently at the wide-eyed Sirius as she placed a comforting hand on Remus shoulder.

Sirius, surprised, managed to quickly conceal it with a joke. "Oho, so you're after our Moony, after all!"

Remus couldn't take it anymore. If Sirius planned on rejecting him, then he could at least do it straight to his face instead of making fun of him like this.

Remus was just about to speak up when Hermione squeezed his shoulder and interrupted him.

"If I happen to be, then it's none of your business," she said simply. She stood from the table, grabbed an apple, and pulled Remus with her.

"Let's go, Remus," she said.

Remus, surprised, cooperated.

They walked out of the Great Hall, Hermione dragging Remus out by his arm. They kept walking, Hermione dragging Remus along, until they reached the courtyard. She led Remus to one of the benches under a tree, and they both sat.

"Thank you," Remus muttered after a few seconds of silence.

Sighing, Hermione replied, "He can be such a git sometimes."

Shaking his head, Remus chuckled. "He wouldn't be Sirius if he wasn't."

After a few more seconds of silence, Remus mused out loud, "Should I take that as a rejection, then?"

As much as Hermione wanted Remus to be happy, what Sirius did say seemed very much like a rejection. A less direct one, but a rejection nonetheless. She weighed her options: Should she lie to Remus, or be honest?

Taking the 'real friend' route, she went for being honest: "Remus, I think -"

Not wanting to hear the sentence finished, Remus replied, "I know."

Maybe it was best this way. After all, how could Remus expect Sirius Black to return his feelings? If anything, Sirius wasn't gay. Remus was the only weird, disgusting one who was gay. He could never expect Sirius to be like that.

"Can you slap me? As hard as you can?" Remus blurted.

"W-what?" Hermione turned to him, surprised.

"Please?" he begged, his golden eyes pleading.

"What for?" Hermione asked.

"To give me a reason to cry," he mumbled, his eyes cast down onto his lap.

"Oh for Godric's sake, you're going to bawl over something like that?" a voice that was not Hermione's drawled.

"Sirius," Remus said, meeting the new arrival's ocean blue eyes.

Sirius, hands in his robe pockets, stepped towards them. "Since when have you been so sissy, Moony? Oh wait, that's right – _you always have been_," he bit out.

"Sirius Black, what on earth is your problem -" Hermione started to say, furious, when Remus cut her off by pushing her back gently with an arm.

Remus stood, taking a few steps towards Sirius until they were two steps apart.

"Are you rejecting me?" Remus asked, his tone calm and low. But deep inside, his heart was thundering against his chest.

Sirius looked back at Remus, into his kind, golden eyes. Full of love and care, always just for him, looking at him like he was the greatest person in the world.

He didn't deserve those eyes.

It was time to say goodbye to those eyes.

Shutting down every feeling and emotion in his mind and body, Sirius quirked his lips into a grin.

"Of course I am. You disgust me. Pathetic werewolf," he said, chuckling. He turned around, walking back into the direction of the Great Hall.

Once Sirius was gone, Hermione gingerly stood from her seat and walked towards Remus hesitantly, placing a hand on his shoulder. She felt her heart break for him. Remus was such a good, kind-hearted man. She was comforted with the knowledge that in the future, Remus would have Tonks, and be happy with her, and her son Teddy. Maybe _this_ was the turning point in his life.

Remus, unable to move, merely watched Sirius back grow smaller and smaller into the distance. When he disappeared, Remus whispered:

"Liar."

* * *

><p>Hermione's head was aching. After experiencing so much drama when it was just early in the morning, she headed to her first class of the day: Herbology.<p>

As she went on her way to the Greenhouse, she thought about Remus, who told her that he would catch up after taking a quick trip back to his room. She was only supposed to be in this time stream to learn about Severus Snape, and perhaps help him and understand him a bit, but before she knew it, she got tangled into the lives of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. Who would have thought that the two had such a history between them?

"Hermione?"

Hermione turned around to see James behind her, his messy black hair and glasses reminding her of Harry. Giving him a smile, she replied, "Hello, James." 

James walked up to her, and the two of them set off to the Greenhouse together.

"Where's Lily?" Hermione asked.

James ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more. Hermione remembered that Harry always did that when he was frustrated about something, and it seemed like James had the same habit.

"With Sirius," he sighed. "Trying to shove some sense into that bloke's mind."

Hermione shook her head. "I don't know what's gotten into Sirius-"

"He's pushing Remus away," James interrupted.

"But why? Remus really wants to help him-"

"Because he thinks that he's just using Remus."

Surprised, Hermione asked, "How so?"

Shoving his hands into his robes pockets, James explained, "Sirius thinks that he keeps Remus around as a friend together because he pities Remus, and that Remus makes Sirius feel better about his own life, because Remus's life is pretty..er..miserable, in a sense."

Hermione knew James meant the werewolf issue, in which he thought Hermione didn't know about. "So isn't he? Just using Remus, I mean," she clarified.

"Well, in my opinion, I think Sirius has liked Remus ever since he set his eyes on him."

Hermione was even more shocked at that, and she ended up speechless.

James chuckled, explaining further. "Sirius was drawn to Remus. He must have thought it was just pity or something, but really, I think it's more than that. I think Sirius really wanted and needed Remus's kindness and good heart. It's just that Sirius doesn't recognize it as love. He thinks that when he looks at Remus, he feels better because Remus is much miserable than he is. But in reality, he looks at Remus and feels better because Remus gives him the love and care that Sirius had been looking for for a very long time. Sirius just doesn't know it because he's never really felt love before. His family aren't exactly good wizards.." he trailed off.

Hermione blinked. "Wow, James."

James shook his head, laughing. "Always the tone of surprise."

"But really, wow. That's a really good observation."

"Again, always the tone of surprise. Hey, I'm the smartest among the Marauders," James chuckled.

Hermione giggled. "So what do we do, then? Shouldn't we tell Sirius or Remus about this? I think you're actually correct."

"'_Actually'?_" James gasped, feigning hurt. "O why do you undermine me so?"

"Alright already, I'm sorry," Hermione laughed.

James waved a hand, as if saying 'just kidding.' "Well, I think the best course of action is to simply let them figure it out on their own. If it's their fate to be together, they'll work it out."

Hermioen couldn't help but be a little sad about that. After all, she knew Remus would end up marrying Tonks, and Sirius would end up...dead. Killed by Bellatrix.

But if she could change that...

"James?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you think Sirius loves Remus as much as Remus loves Sirius?"

"I think they both need to get a room from all the sexual tension in the air whenever I'm with them."

Hermione smacked him in the arm.

"Ow! What is it with women and violence and hitting my arm!"

"Don't corrupt my innocent mind!" Hermione teased.

"Alright! Alright! I apologize!" James laughed.

They were near Greenhouse number 5 and walked along the flower patch on the way there. Seeing a particular flower that caught her eye, Hermione bent down to watch it sway with the wind, amongst the other flowers.

"What flower is that?" James asked.

"It's a Marigold," she replied.

It was a lone yellow-orange flower amongst other varieties or roses and lilies.

"How can a single flower like that be in the center or roses and lilies?" James wondered aloud.

"People who are in pain and are grieving like to hide themselves around cheerful people to pretend to be happy," Hermione said matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything.

"I'm afraid I don't see the connection. You'd have to indulge me, oh-bright-witch," James teased.

Hermione chuckled, nudging him with her arm. "Marigolds mean 'pain and grief' in the language of flowers," she explained.

James was quiet for a few seconds.

"You know, it reminds me a lot of Padfoot."

Hermione nodded, but she had someone else in mind.

_It reminds me of a certain man, too..._

* * *

><p>Severus was just about to tell Crookshanks off for napping by his leg when the door to his supposedly "secret" room opened. He didn't even have to look to know who it was.<p>

"For how much longer do you intend to keep intruding my personal space?" he drawled without looking up from his book.

He was so sure that it was, once again, Hermione Granger. She had been coming every single lunch time ever since her arrival, always bringing him food and hanging around until the break was over. She never really talked or disturbed his much wanted peace. She usually just brought in some book with her and sat to read.

"For as long as I want to. Last time I checked, this room isn't your property," she said nonchalantly, placing a tray of food on the table.

Severus eyed the tray with contempt. "Stop bringing me food. It's unnecessary; you will never find me taking a single bite from it," he said, flipping to another page of his book.

"I know you've never eaten anything I brought you, I'm the one who brings the trays out every evening just so that this room won't end up smelling like rotten food," she said matter-of-factly as Severus watched her from the corner of his eye. She pulled out one of the chairs by the table, and sat down facing his direction. She flipped open an incredibly thick book, and started reading.

Severus wasn't surprised. He had already guessed that she was the one taking the trays of food out of the room. He never touched what she gave him, and he always left the room with the food still there. He never did come to the room during the evenings, because evenings were his potions brewing time.

"Then stop bringing them in. It's a waste of food to leave them to spoil," he said.

She merely flipped a page. "It wouldn't be a waste if you would just eat it."

"Do you _always_ have to have your way in everything?" he said, gritting his teeth. She was really starting to get on his nerves.

"I could say the same to you," she shrugged, looking unaffected by him.

Having had the final straw, Severus stood from his spot by the window and stomped towards her, his hand slamming the table.

She didn't even jump or bat an eye. She just kept reading.

And that just irritated him even more. She was supposed to cringe, or be scared, or shriek, or _whatever_. He was supposed to be menancing, scary, and repulsive. She should have acted like everyone else did.

"Do not assume that my reasons for refusing food are petty; I have my own reasons, reasons that you could never _dream_ of, and so I suggest you stop forcing food down my throat. Or, better yet, _stop coming here at all,_" he hissed at her.

She looked up from her book then, and stared at him. Her chocolate doe eyes were full of so mcuh warmth, that Severus couldn't take it anymore and looked away.

"You're right. I could never dream of knowing what goes on in that mind of yours. But I'm pretty sure those bottles over there could pretty much tell me," she said calmly, propping her chin up on her palm as she tilted her head at the direction of the blue vials by the bookshelf.

Severus felt his blood run dry. "Don't. You. Dare-"

"I know what those are," she interrupted. "And I've been in this room every single noon and evening. And yet, I have never touched any of them. Why? Because I respect your privacy, Severus. I know that there are certain..things..in your life that must be..hard..for you. I want to...help you. But I want _you _to _tell me_ on your own accord. I promise to never invade your privacy, but all I ask is to let me help you. Because I do want to. I want to help you," she said, her hands reaching for his that slammed the table.

Severus was beyond taken aback. He was all sorts of confused, but surprisingly, he wasn't angry. She sounded and looked so honest, so sincere. Her eyes and hands were full of warmth and love, that he wanted to draw in closer and..

No.

He couldn't. He just couldn't make the same mistake all over again. He didn't want to trust anyone but himself, didn't need _anyone's _help. He was fine on his own. It was better this way: to be alone. He would be stronger that way, anyway, if he just relied on himself. Relying on others, the big mistake he had done years ago, would just cause him another disappointment.

And he didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. So, so scared. Scared of this girl right in front of him that could evoke all sorts of emotions from him. Scared of how in just a few days, she seemed to be able to read him like an open book. Scared of how in a twisted way he didn't know or why, he was drawn to her, to those warm and honest eyes..

Jerking his hand from hers, he turned away from her. With his back to her, he spoke the words he knew, deep down, he didn't want to say at all – but it had to be done. Before it was too late, it had to be done.

"I never want to see you here, or near me, ever again," he said.

He strained his ears for signs of her leaving the room, or perhaps her crying, or anything at all that would indicate that she'd left. He didn't understand why she even _wanted_ to help him, but this was the first time. The first time _anyone_ has _ever_ wanted to help him. He wanted to be helped so many years ago. He wanted someone to bring him out of the darkness that held him captive.

But no one came.

And now, now when he was already too deep in his own sin, too deep to turn away, someone comes? When darkness had already embraced him like a friend, when the mark of the most hated man – no, _devil_ – was already burning on his arm for eternity, someone comes to help him?

Darkness was already a part of him. It was his friend, now. It had kept him from insanity, and he was afraid that once he let go of it, it would start to turn him crazy. And even if – _if – _he happened to want to let it go, he didn't think he would be able to.

No. It was more like he _can't. _The mark on his arm was for life. It could never be erased, and the bond could never be cut.

He was, and had been for a long time, a prisoner.

And no one could do anything about that.

"Severus," a voice called. It was warm. That was the best description for it. Warm like a blanket, like the summer wind and the rays of the sun. Warm like the love he had never experienced, warm like the warmth he had always longed for but have long since given up on having.

And it was right there.

But he couldn't.

He had lost that right to have any kind of warmth years ago. He knew that. And that was why he knew he deserved Lily's rejection, deserved to have no food in his body, deserved the hateful mark on his arm.

He deserved it all.

Severus' eyes snapped open, unknowing that he had shut them close. The warmth surrounding him had snapped him away from his thoughts, jolting him from the bad memories that were threatening to enter his mind once again.

Hermione Granger's arms were around him, her head on his back.

She had hugged him.

Hugged him, when not even his own parents who've given birth to him did.

"Severus, you're not alone," her voice cracked. "You don't have to punish yourself. You don't have to let whatever it is inside you eat you up. I want to help you," she whispered.

Severus could her sniffling, and knew she was crying.

For once in his life, someone actually cried for him.

Before he could stop himself, his heart opened up unwillingly, and he uttered:

"I killed my own sister."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: IT'S BEEN SO LONG!**

**Darn, I miss you guys. Your reviews have _always _been a great encouragment for me. Well, if any of you noticed, I was actually supposed to be not continuing any of my stories anymore, but I decided otherwise. Because really, writing helps in so many ways.**

**So yes. Life's been a big bucket of tears and kicks and lately. So thus the pretty emo update. Sorry 'bout that. But hey, at least the plot twists are coming. **

**Show me some love and tell me what you think! **

**Oh, and P.S. Changed the rating, due to the Sirius/Remus and the swearing. **


	8. Chapter 8: Currant Branch

**Chapter 8**

**Currant Branch**

**~.o.~**

"_We were made to love and be loved."_

_~ EndlessDaydreaming _

**~.o.~**

**September 20, 1978**

"I killed my own sister."

Hermione tensed. She didn't expect that. She expected him to push her away, shout at her, or glare at her, maybe, but not _this_. Not a confession that utterly surpised her. She never even knew he had a sister! And his confession of killing her..

Severus took her speechlessness with a little more hurt than he'd like to admit to himself. Giving out a little 'hmph' as if he were saying 'I thought so,' he stepped away from Hermione's loose embrace and leaned by the window sill, successfully putting some distance between the two of them. He set his dark eyes on her, watching her process her thoughts.

Her warm, chocolate eyes were wide in shock, her pink lips slightly apart, and her brows crinkled in confusion. Her hands dangled by her sides like dead weight, her brown curls framing her face delicately. Severus knew the concentration she had was because she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together.

_You never should have said anything_, he scolded himself. It was a "moment of weakness" thing - a mistake.

He had already made _far_ _too many_ mistakes concerning this witch in front of him. For one, he never should have let her stay in this room, or even be so careless as to allow her to follow him to his sanctuary. He never should have talked to her, or soothed his curiosity towards her. He never should have let his guard down and allow himself to get used to her company.

Because he had. Gotten used to her company, that is.

Every lunch time, he expected her to come in, a lunch tray in hand. And the next day, once he came back to the room, he knew the tray would be gone, indicating that she came during the evening to take it away. He was used to it now, even if it had only been a few days. He was used to the fact that every lunch time, he wouldn't be alone, because she would always come in to sit and read with him.

And that was his biggest mistake: getting used to her presence.

It was decided, then. He would stop this whole mess before it even got any bigger. While he could still undo the slip of his tongue, and while he was still able to take a step back from her, he would do so.

"Are you afraid of me now? Do you understand who I am? What kind of person I am?" he said to her, draining his whole being of any emotion.

Hermione swallowed, trying to find her voice. She looked at him, his arms crossed over his chest, his long black hair, dark eyes, and scowl making him look menancing.

But she knew.

She had seen him vulnerable just a few minutes ago, had seen how much weight was on his shoulders. Yet, he stood regally, always strong and undaunting, never letting anyone see how much the burden he was carrying was killing him inside. It was eating him up slowly, whatever it was. Maybe it was guilt, for "killing his sister," as he said, but either way, it was too much for him to deal with on his own.

As she looked at the man in front of her, a man who tried so hard to be strong, who held so much hurt and bitterness and anger in himself, she couldn't help but want to step closer to him.

She always had been a sucker for lost causes.

"Severus, I know-"

And that's when Severus lost it.

"Stop! Just...stop! Don't assume that you _know everything_, because you _don't! _You don't know a single thing, so don't pretend to be such a know-it-all swot!" he spat at her.

He was fed up. Why couldn't she just leave? Why did she have to make this so difficult for him? He wanted to be _alone_. Didn't she understand that?

"Perhaps this is why you transferred here to Hogwarts," he added. "No one liked you and your swotty little attitude, bossing people around and meddling in their lives. You were probably never _truly_ loved, just for your brains – because that's all your good at, is it not? Studying and putting on a show by lugging around thick books? You probably only ever study because that's the only time people actually approach you – _when it has something to do with homework_.

"I see how no one ever really approaches you unless they need you to do their homework, how your hand shoots up every time a professor asks a question, and how your eyes would light up when you get commended. That's all you want, isn't it? Attention? Love from your professors? Because I am positively sure you don't get any from the people around you."

Hermione couldn't say anything. She was too surprised to do so. She simply stared at him stupidly, her heart thumping against her chest wildly.

"So it seems you're silent because I'm correct," Severus mused.

He could see the hurt in her eyes, and knew he hit a soft and sensitive spot. He knew there was more to Hermione Granger than she let on – after all, he knew that there was no one in the world who had no problems, no one in the world who had no secrets or weaknesses.

That's why Hermione Granger had _her_ own darkness, her own weakness. And now that Severus had seemed to guess it correctly (he'd been trying to figure it out since he first met her), he knew what it was.

"That's the only reason why you want to help me," he continued slowly, walking away from his spot and closer to her, just so that he could glare at her. _"_Because you think I_ need_ you. When in fact, _you_ need _me; _this man in front of you who you seem to view as pitiful, is _precisely_ what you need to make yourself feel _needed_, and _loved_, and make yourself feel that you're _worth_ something.

He stepped even closer, his dark eyes accusing. His eyes wandered to the table and he saw a fruit that caught his eye among the food Hermione brought him.

"Ironic how you brought me currants. Do you know what the branches of the currants mean? 'You please all'. And that is exactly what you try so hard to do. You please everyone around you just so that they'll love you.

"After all, that's all you ever think about, is it not? Yourself? You came here, to _me_, not to help me, but _yourself," _he said to her in a low, dangerous tone.

"And that is why you _disgust_ me."

With that, Hermione stumbled backward, accidentally stepping on Crookshank's tale. The cat gave a loud, piercing shriek and dashed away. Hermione didn't seem to notice the cat, and instead turned around to run out of the room.

She needed to get away.

She needed to get far, far away from the truth.

* * *

><p>It had only been a few minutes since Ancient Runes started, and already Remus was on the verge of falling asleep. He wished he hadn't taken the subject, now. But at the same time, he was happy that Runes was the only subject he had different from James and Sirius – that meant he could delay seeing Sirius until tonight. After their little...encounter earlier, he didn't think he could see Sirius without giving him a black eye.<p>

Because really, that git deserved it.

And he had the gall to _lie_ to a _werewolf_? Especially _three days_ before the full moon?

He watched the Runes Professor drone on about some ancient sign for peace and whatnot, when he smelled a familiar scent of vanilla and roses.

_About time, you're late_, he thought to himself as if he was speaking to her.

As if on cue, Hermione entered the classroom, mumbling an apology to the Runes professor, and quickly made her way to sit beside Remus.

The Runes professor didn't even bat an eye. He was probably used to late students coming in and students falling asleep, since practically half of the class had their heads on their desks.

Remus sensed there was something wrong, though. Hermione seemed a bit..distant, and she was chewing on her bottom lip so hard that she might bite it right off. Her eyes seemed glazed, and her brows were knit.

He laid a comforting hand on hers, which rested on her lap below the desk. He gave it a reassuring squeeze, smiling at her faintly and sending her a silent message: "We'll talk later."

* * *

><p>Classes seemed to go by in a blur, and Hermione found herself sitting in the prefect's lounge with Remus. Being one of the prefects (the other one was some Hufflepuff girl who already went to sleep), Remus took Hermione here so that they could talk privately. He knew something was wrong, and he wanted to help. After all, Hermione had been helping him for a number of times now.<p>

He sat in one of the sofas, Hermione beside him. He watched the embers crackle in the fireplace that sat in front of them as he waited for her to gather her thoughts.

Hermione, meanwhile, didn't know where to start. She didn't even know what to say. It's been hours since her 'talk' with Severus, and yet she was still in a state of shock. She couldn't come into terms with what Severus had said...

...because they were true.

But Remus being beside her, simply sitting and waiting for her to share her burdens patiently, made her feel comfortable. Her chest felt heavy, and Remus was a good friend to her right now – she wanted to unload.

"I'm a terrible person," she said softly, her eyes drawn to the dancing embers of the fireplace.

Remus, startled a bit by her sudden statement, blinked at her. "Of course you're not," he said.

"I am, I- I.." she stammered, drawing her legs up as she wrapped her arms around them. She rested her chin on her knees and took a deep breath. "I grew up in a normal Muggle family."

Not quite sure where this story was going, Remus nodded, telling her to go on.

"I had normal Muggle parents. I was – _am_ – an only child. My parents were..rarely home, because they were dentists, tooth doctors, and they spent a lot of time in their work. All throughout my childhood, my parents had always set this high standard that I had to reach. They told me tales of how they were at the top of their classes during their years of studying, and how I should make them proud by being the top of mine.

"I..I wanted to please them. I studied hard. Very hard. But I never seem to be able to reach the standards they've set. Once I get a high grade, they'd expect me to get higher, and higher, and so on. I never got a pat on the back, or a job well done, or any of that sort. Just more expectations. They weren't bad parents – they never hit me, and they provided for me and I think they did their best to raise me, but I just..never felt _loved_. Maybe it was from all the pressure - I don't really know.

"My...hard work in my studies left me little time to make friends. I had a few, but none of them were close to me. They were the kinds who drifted in and out of your life, the ones who didn't seem to really care. I..got made fun of a lot, because of my looks. My teeth, my hair..and all those other things. People would approach me for help with school work very often, and I reazlied that the only time people liked me was when I could help them with their studies.

"And so, petty as it may seem, I studied hard. For both my parents, and so that people would accept me, and I'd feel that I was actually worth something to this world. I hated disappointing people, and I always wanted to help anyone I could, just so that I'd be loved, and I'd _feel_ loved.

"And..and..I'm selfish, and disgusting, for ever being and thinking like that. A..a friend..whom I wanted to help - he saw right through me. And..at first I didn't think of it that way; that I was helping people just so I'd be loved. But then he told me that that was how I was, and I realized it was true, and..and.." her tears started to choke her, and she tightened her arms and buried her face on her knees.

Remus's heart broke for her. The girl was too nice; personally, he didn't find anything wrong with wanting people to love you. Everyone wanted that. There was nothing wrong with trying to find a way to not be lonely.

He scooted closer to her, and wrapped an arm around her softly sobbing form. He rubbed her arm slowly, comfortingly.

"Hermione, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be loved. Everyone wants to be loved," he told her softly.

"But-But- I use people, f-for my..my personal gain," she stammered, sniffling.

Remus rested his cheek on her head, drawing her closer into a hug. "I think that when it comes to love, everyone gets selfish. Everyone wants to have it, after all. We were made to love and be loved. So there's nothing wrong with helping people because you want to be loved. By offering your love first, it's only natural for people to expect people to give love back - though that doesn't always happen. But personally, I think it's great that you want to give _your _love first, and help people out, rather than just sit, do nothing, and receive love from people; that you give first before you take.

"I think you've been giving all your life, and it's only right that you would want to take sometimes. So go ahead; I think that when it comes to you, it's alright to be selfish sometimes."

"But my friend-"

"If your friend was intelligent enough to deduce your so-called 'want of love and attention' on his own, then I think he's intelligent enough to find out sooner or later that there's really nothing wrong with that. Maybe he just has to hear what you told me now, or get to know you more."

"But..but I think he hates me now."

"Oh, I doubt that."

"How can you say so?"

"Because no one can hate you."

"A lot of people do."

"Then bollocks to them."

Hermione burst out laughing.

"What?" Remus whined playfully.

"Was that supposed to be a curse word?" Hermione giggled.

"Yes," Remus defended in a dignified manner. "If you don't like it, what would you suggest?" He grinned.

"Oh, I don't know," Hermione said, waving a hand absent-mindedly. "'Screw them?'"

Remus restrained a laugh. "Where did you get that phrase? 'Screw them'?"

Hermione shrugged. "In my old school."

Remus laughed. "Well, I think it sounds better than 'bollocks'. Screw them, then!"

Hermione laughed, her tears turning into tears of joy.

* * *

><p>Sirius sat by one of the arm chairs at the far end of the room. His jaw was set, his eyes were narrowed, and his fists were clenched.<p>

The sight before him sickened him:

Hermione Granger and Remus Lupin, laughing in each other's arms.

He didn't know why he was having such a bad feeling about the both of them. Remus had a lot of girls that were close friends, some of them being close enough to be a girlfriend, and that had never bothered Sirius. But Hermione Granger..

Holding on the invisibility cloak so that it didn't slip off, he silently watched them as they talked. He had been here before both of them entered, and he had heard their entire conversation.

_If Remus had accepted _her_ and her 'selfishness', then..that would mean he would accept mine..wouldn't he?_ Sirius thought.

He sighed and sank into the chair.

_So much for wanting to surprise and apologize to Remus tonight. _

* * *

><p>It was well past midnight and Severus couldn't sleep. The look in Hermione Granger's eyes as she backed away from him and ran out of the room kept playing on his mind.<p>

She was afraid.

But there was something off about it. It was different from the looks of terror that he often got from other people. Instead, it mirrored the look he saw in his own eyes whenever he stared into the mirror. It almost seemed as if Hermione Granger had been..

.afraid of herself.

Her eyes resembled those of his when he first realized he killed his sister.

When he called Lily a Mudblood.

When he stared at the Dark Mark in his arm for the first time.

It was the eyes of someone who just realized something awful about themselves.

But if that were the case, then that would mean that she didn't know about her..insecurity problem, and want of love and attention; that she really didn't know and just realized it when Severus had told her.

Then that would mean..

_She didn't use me. She wanted to help me._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: To celebrate my return, double update this week! **

**I apologize if this chapter was a bit too heavy. Just had to get that off my chest. My sentiments in a nutshell, really.**

**I promise the action starts next chapter, enough with the chatter and talking. :)) Though I have school tomorrow, (It's Sunday 11pm right now for me) so I most probably will update next Saturday. **

**Send me some love, (review button over there) because I'm going to need it for this week. Xxx**


	9. Chapter 9: Weeping Mayflowers

**Chapter 9**

**Weeping Mayflowers**

**~.o.~**

_To be hurt, to feel lost,_

_to be left out in the dark_

_to be kicked, when you're down_

_and feel like you're being pushed around_

_to be on the edge of breaking down_

_and no one's there to save you_

_yeah, you don't know what it's like_

_**Welcome** to my life._

_- Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan_

**~.o.~**

**September 20, 1978**

"Remus lifted his eyes from his book to look at her.

Seated beside him, close enough that their thighs brushed against each other's, Hermione had her own nose buried in a book.

"What are you reading?" he asked, smiling as he nudged her.

She lifted the book cover up and showed him.

"The Language of Flowers," he read out loud. "Flower meanings?"

She nodded. "I'm reading about Mayflowers. It means 'Welcome,' and.."

Remus let her ramble on and watched, smiling at her happy expression. Her chestnut curls cascaded down her shoulders, the light from the fireplace giving it an extra glow. Though the rims of her eyes were red and puffy from all her previous crying, her chocolate doe eyes shined like never before in the eyes of Remus. And as Hermione turned to look at him, her soft smile stirred something in him.

Unconsciously, he lifted a hand to her face, caressing her cheeks. Her skin felt like silk, and he reveled in the feeling.

Hermione was more than a little bit surprised, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away at Remus's sudden closeness. His long, calloused fingers were warm, and the way his thumb was sliding against her skin gently was comforting. Her eyes drifted shut, letting Remus's warmth lull her to sleep. She was just so tired from everything that has happened.

Remus's heart thundered in his chest as he gazed longingly at her. Invisible hands seemed to push him towards her, his mind shutting down all of a sudden.

Closing the gap between them, Remus was about to kiss her when he suddenly jerked away, realizing what he was just about to do. Hermione's eyes snapped open at the loss of his warm hand, and gave him a worried look, her cheeks tinging pink in her embarassment.

"Remus? Are you alright?" she asked softly.

"Y-yes," he stammered, trying to calm himself. What was the matter with him? He usually had more control than this.

Scratch that. He shouldn't even be thinking about Hermione in _that_ way.

A deep growling from the back of his mind echoed throughout his thoughts. Knowing where – more precisely _who_ – it came from, Remus kneaded the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

_Human, do not interrupt me_, growled the wolf side of him, who was currently living shoved down inside his head.

_No. I won't let you do anything to this girl_, Remus told it calmly, always being the voice of reason. He wondered why Moony, his wolf counter part, was acting this way. The wolf was never like this around any other girls.

Sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere, Hermione stood up gingerly, smoothing out her skirt.

"Remus, I should get going now, it _is_ eleven," she said. She gave him a soft smile before turning to leave.

_No! _Moony growled. For a second, Remus' hand darted out to reach for Hermione's hand. Remus fought against it, clenching his fingers.

_Do _not_ let her leave, human! _Moony snarled. Remus could see the amber eyes of his wolf friend burning angrily.

Remus fought it as hard as he can, the beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. He knew that letting Moony take over would mean trouble. Big, _big_ trouble. Moony was the aggressive side of Remus, the one who acted impulsively and rashly. Moony tended to stay quiet, but when the days of the full moon would draw near, he starts to speak up. Usually it was just about minor things, like how he wanted to eat, or how he wanted to bite the leg off of someone that annoyed them both, and stuff like that.

But this was the first time Moony sounded so..._desperate_.

When Remus heard the door click shut, Moony gave up the fight. Remus's deep breath of relief was cut off when he heard Moony make an unusual sound.

It almost sounded like it was a whimper. But no, Moony didn't whimper. Moony snarled, sneered, snorted, growled, grunted, and occasionally – very _very_ occassionally – laughed. Moony _never _whimpered.

"What's wrong with you?" Remus asked his wolf aloud.

_The human. Granger. Hermione Granger._

"What about her? Look, I absolutely _forbid _you to hurt her. You demand and want a lot of things, and I've always given them to you, but not this time. Not her. She is not food, nor is she a plaything, Moony. You cannot hurt her."

_Hurt her? _Moony scowled. _I could never hurt her. Never. Never._

It almost sounded like...a plea.

_Please human. It has been too long. Too, too long. I have finally found her. _We_ have finally found her. I cannot bear to be away from her._

"W-What are you talking about?"

Moony's answer spent Remus's world spinning. He had fogotten just what it meant to be a werewolf. It was more than just midnight strolls during the full moon, or turning into a furry wolf. No, he forgot the most crucial part to a wolf's life, the part that allowed the wolf to gain more strength, the part that allowed the wolf to be tamed and controlled more properly.

The part that the wolf's scratchy voice just reminded him now.

_Human, she is our mate. _

* * *

><p>Sirius had followed Hermione as she left the prefect's lounge, still hidden under the invisibility cloak James had lent him.<p>

Okay, James didn't really "lend" it to him – Sirius had knicked it from his trunk. To be fair, he _did _ holler something like "James, I'm borrowing _the cloak;" _but he had done so in an empty room.

Holding his breath, he followed Hermione until she entered the Gryffindor Common Room. Due to the late hour, nobody was up and about. Sirius was expecting Hermione to go straight up to her dorm; and since Sirius can't enter the girls' dorm (no thanks to the magical staircase that conveniently – _not_ – turned into a slide when in the presence of males), he planned to retire to his own room as well.

That _was_ the plan, until Hermione surprised him. Instead of doing as he expected, she flopped down rather ungracefully in one of the couches by the hearth. She sat cross-legged, cradling one of the fluffy velvet pillows against her as she rested her chin on it. She took in an audible breath, and sighed loudly.

"Happy birthday, Hermione," she said to herself.

Even though he was staring at the back of her head, he could feel the sadness in her voice. Sirius couldn't help but feel his heart reach out to the her. He knew what it was like to have no one to celebrate your birthday with – his whole childhood before James and the other Marauders was filled with year after year of neglected birthdays. His family regretted the day he was born; why would they celebrate it every year? They didn't enjoy having a non-blood puritist in their midst.

He shrugged off the cloak and draped it over one of the chairs before giving an audible cough. Hermione jerked in surprise, whipped around, and stood in alert, her wand drawn.

"Woah there, kitten. I'm not gonna bite," Sirius grinned at her, palms out in a gesture of surrender.

She let her wand drop to her side and gave him a look that plainly said, "Oh, it's just you." She didn't say anything else and just sat back down, gazing into the fireplace.

Sirius trounced up to her, heaving himself over the back of the couch and settling beside her. "Why so depressed, birthday girl?"

She turned to look at him, suspicious. "How long have you been standing there? I didn't notice you when I got in."

Hoping to change the subject and at the same time divert the conversation to the topic he wanted to discuss, he said, "And where _have_ you been, exactly? It's too late for a pretty bird like you to be wandering about on her own."

She quirked a brow at him, amused at his choice of words. "First you refer to me as 'kitten,' and now I'm a 'bird.' Make up your mind, will you?" she teased, laughing. She knew it was a weak attempt, but she was trying to change the subject, anyway.

Sirius saw through it, though. He shrugged nonchalantly and just grinned at her. "I like animals – so judge me. And you're not getting away with it: where were you?"

"I don't see why I have to tell you where I've been," she said indignantly, turning away from him.

Sirius smirked. He had her now. "And _I _don't see why you have to hide that particular information. It's as if you're _guilty_ of something," he replied in his own indignant tone.

Hermione snapped, letting the frustration and weariness of the day break through. "I was with Remus, spending some time with him, because _someone here_," she emphasized, glaring at him, "wouldn't even give him the time of day, and instead just takes advantage of his kindness."

Sirius, having a short fuse and a nasty habit of arguing and defending himself brashly, snapped back. "_You're _the one taking advantage of his kindness! Remus and I have been perfectly fine until _you_ came along. And now, with just a few tears from the damsel in distress, he's all whipped. Disgusting how you throw yourself at him like that-"

"_Excuse me?" _Hermione interrupted, outraged. "Have you been _eavesdropping_ on us?"

"And what if I have?" Sirius sniffed nonchalantly.

"Aside from the fact that you just violated our privacy, you've just proved yourself a world-class jerk," she glared at him. She just couldn't understand how this insufferable Sirius Black turned into the man she had come to admire and Harry's Godfather.

And then she remembered the hurt and pain that Sirius will have to go through when James died. Hurt and suffering really did change people, and it seemed like it will do a great deal of damage on Sirius Black.

"So I'm a jerk for trying to protect someone that's important to me?" he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

"And who is it that you're trying to protect, anyway? Because if it's Remus, you're doing a rather horrible job – you're just hurting him," she said hotly.

"I was afraid, alright!" Sirius shouted. "I didn't..I don't.." he broke off, burying his face in his hands.

Sirius knew he had been awful to Remus – that was his intention, after all. He had hoped that his being awful to Remus would bring Remus to hate him. Not completely hate him, but just enough to make those..confessed feelings of his go away. Even if it hurt for Sirius to do so, he did it for the well-being of Remus. Remus deserved someone much more better than him. He didn't know all the bad sides of Sirius, didn't know how much of a mess he is and how years ago when they first met, Sirius had been using Remus.

Remus had looked so pitiful, then – the epitome of loneliness and weakness. The moment the 11 year-old Remus entered James and Sirius' compartment, shyly asking if he could come in and share the compartment with them since nowhere else was available, Sirius had already known that Remus was probably a lot more miserable than he was. Remus' face had tiny white scars on them, his shoulder were slumped like he just lost everything he had, and his eyes – his eyes drew Sirius to him like a moth to a fire. He felt something in him then, something that pushed him forward to take Remus in, stand from his seat, and drape an arm around the awkward boy.

Sirius, until now, still couldn't quite put a finger to what that feeling was. His number one candidate was that it was pity, and that's one of the reasons he tried to push Remus away. He was selfish, that he knew. He was probably just using Remus, keeping him around because he pitied the wolf. When Sirius found out that Remus was a werewolf, something in him was slightly happy.

Happy, because for once in his life someone was much more miserable than he was. Happy, because Remus _needed_ him.

It was Sirius' idea to learn how to be an animagus; he was the first one to successfully turn into one, as well. All because the feeling of being _needed_ made Sirius feel better.

Sirius dug his fingernails into his hair, digging in painfully.

_I am the most selfish bastard in the world_, he thought. He was just so messed up.

"Sirius," a soft voice called.

He didn't answer.

A warm, delicate hand placed itself on his back. "Sirius, you don't have to be afraid. Remus..he really wants to help you."

He lifted his face from his hands to look at Hermione. "Help me from what?" he asked softly.

Her brown eyes looked into his. "Yourself," she said, matching the soft tone of his voice.

He tensed up_, _and his walls of protection triggered. His mouth seemed to quirk and move on its own as he felt himself smirking. He leaned against the couch and propped a foot on his knee. "Who says I need saving?" he said, in an arrogant tone.

Hermione shook her head. "Remus knows you do. He knows you much more than you think he does."

"Well, you're wrong. Both of you. No one knows me," Sirius stated simply. Then, in a much lower tone that could have been missed, he muttered, "_I_ don't even know me."

"I know that you're a nice person, deep down," Hermione stated matter-of-factly. "Both Remus and I know that. You've just been..hurt and abandoned so many times that you're afraid of letting people in. You've got all these walls pushing people out." She hesitated a bit before continuing, "Remus wants to tear those walls down; he wants to help you. But if you won't let him, then he can't."

Sirius knew she was right. But for some weird, insane, unexplainable reason, his protection wall kicked up again, and his mind decided on its own that he had to push her away, too, now that she knew too much and seemed to see right through him. In a blink of an eye, she was on her back as he towered a few inches from her, a hand on either side of her head.

"And what makes you think I'm a nice person?" he said darkly.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this. But at the same time, he was scared. Scared of how she managed to read him so easily. He had to push her out.

He leaned in closer to her, placing his mouth right beside her ear. "Welcome to my life," he whispered in a low tone.

Hermione's eyes grew wide, and she couldn't help but be a little afraid of the one on top of her. His ocean blue eyes seemed to glow, as his dark voice sent shivers up her spine.

She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths, when suddenly the weight on top of her vanished. She snapped her eyes open the same time a loud thud echoed through the room.

"Remus!" she said, surprised and horrified.

Remus was pinning Sirius to the wall, his hands fisting Sirius' robes.

Sirius' head throbbed from the impact, and he stared at Remus in confusion. It all happened so fast that he didn't even know he was lifted off of Hermione until now. Why was Remus even acting this-

_Oh fuck_, Sirius thought. _His eyes_.

Remus' eyes, where it would normally be a beautiful gold, was now a flashing yellow with a black slit running right in the middle in exchange for the usual pupils.

"Moony," Sirius breathed.

Remus' mouth curled into a growl.

"Do not touch my mate, human."

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><p><strong>AN: And the plot thickens. **

**I am SO SO SO SORRY for the late update. Just when I promised, too. Yes, I'm sorry: stone me to death now. I've been trying to write and re-write this chappie again and again, and I must say that I STILL am not satisfied with it. But..as this is a birthday gift to one of my real-life friends, I'm going to have to stick with this.**

**SO beautiful people, thank him, because if it wasn't his birthday tomorrow I wouldn't be updating. :)) The occasion pushed me to write :))**

**Review and show me some love, because your reviews inspire me the right way ;)**

**I apologize in advance if this chapter didn't meet your expectations.**

**And I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of me. :) I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to your reviews.**

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><p><strong>So, Ezra: Happy birthday! (advanced; still 9 hours to go) There are just so many things I want and need to say, that my mind hurts just even trying to list them all down. But one thing's for sure, and one thing that probably summarizes everything: <strong>

_No matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, I'll always be a Sirius and you'll always be my Remus._

**As the story progresses, I hope you continue to remember that, and then you'll understand what it is I mean as the chapters go on. But really, if there's one character in all my stories that you resemble, it's Remus. Happy birthday, again :)**


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